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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

18 month old smacking

31 replies

micegg · 03/04/2007 11:44

My 18 month old DD keeps smacking me and my friends children . She is my only child and I dont know what to do. She doesnt hurt. It just seems to be something she does to get attention. I get down to her level and say "no. no hitting" but she just laughs at me (even with my sternest voice!). One of my friends suggested putting her in her cot every time she does it so she understands not to do it. I thought she is a but young for this. Any suggestions?

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kittypants · 03/04/2007 11:45

id just completly ignore her.

Josie3 · 03/04/2007 11:47

She's not too young to young to discipline IMO. I've used time out with kids this young - they cry, then they think it's funny, then they get bored, then they stop the behaviour. The key is to be consistent - otherwise nothing will work.

colditz · 03/04/2007 11:50

She doesn't realise it hurts anyone, and wouldn't care even if she did.

Ignore her pointedly for a bit - no time limit per say, but until she's noticed she's being ignored IYSWIM, and make a huge fuss of anyone else she smacks, while totally blanking her5 for a little bit.

Ds2 used to slap my cleavage whenever he saw it - but I would put him on the floor every time he did it and he stopped.

Also, show her how to touch people gently by guiding her hand - she may want to touch people.

frances5 · 03/04/2007 13:03

I think that being in the cot for a minute or even 1 minute 30 seconds is a sensible punishment for an 18 month old. If she is old enough to hit other children then she is old enough for time out.

She will cry, but if you don't teach her that hitting is wrong then she will think its a game. Having a toddler hitting might be sweet but people are less tolerant of preschool children being aggressive. You and your daughter will lose friends if her behaviour continues.

colditz · 03/04/2007 14:59

frances, I think that's a ridiculous attitude to take towards a baby. 18 months old is not old enough to have a sufficiant grasp of cause and effect to understand that she is being 'punished' (awful term to use for a baby) My 4 year old is big enough to pull the trigger of a gun - is he big enough to go to jail for murder?

You may also find that if you punish her by leaving her crying in her cot, any good sleep associations will get shot to buggery and every time you put her to bed, she'll think she has been naughty.

colditz · 03/04/2007 15:00

And, micegg if you lose friends because your toddler behaves like a toddler, they were never friends worth having.

kittypants · 03/04/2007 15:13

colditz agree completly!frances-18 months and you feel-' If she is old enough to hit other children then she is old enough for time out'.i agree if you lose friends over a toddler being a toddler there not really friends!

LazyLine · 03/04/2007 15:18

Agree with Colditz

mumto3girls · 03/04/2007 15:25

18 month old on time out??? Oh my god that would just make my dd associate her cot with nastiness instaed of lovely bedtime...

kittypants · 03/04/2007 15:26

very true!

FoghornLeghorn · 03/04/2007 15:28

Totally agree with Colditz

ScottishThistle · 03/04/2007 15:36

Never punish a baby & don't put them in their cot as a punishment whatever you do or you may well have a baby who screams every time they have to go to bed!

Ignore the behaviour or simply remove them from the situation with a firm no.

frances5 · 03/04/2007 22:32

Does your child hit other people when tired or does she just think its a game? Maybe you need to reduce the amount of activities and socialising you do and allow her more sleep.

18 month olds vary a lot in their maturity. Some 18 month old babies have better language skills than many 3 year olds. A child who is an early developer is no longer a baby. Toddlers NEED some form of discipline. Punishing a child is never nice and at this age can be more like conditioning than reasoning with a child. (A bit like Parlov's dogs)

Personally I prefer a naughty step or chair to a cot, but its personal choice. The consequence of not punishing a child is that they get socially excluded.

colditz · 03/04/2007 22:35

Language skills are not linked to the frontal lobes, which is the part responsible for behavior

parrots can talk, I wouldn't time one out.

Collies can obey complex commands, I wouldn't time one out.

colditz · 03/04/2007 22:35

And it's not a child, it's a baby.

Aloha · 03/04/2007 22:37

micegg, your dd is too young to realise that hitting can hurt. She enjoys the sensation and the reaction. Think of it as 'patting' and you will feel better about it. To discourage, just say , 'no hitting' and put her away from you for a few moments. Also, she will grow out of it.

colditz · 03/04/2007 22:37

Autistic children very verbal sometimes, totally misunderstanding of socially acceptable behavior, you CANNOT punish them into understanding, as it wouldn't work.

At 18 months old, you wouldn't have a clue whether the baby will be autistic.

ScoobyDooooo · 03/04/2007 22:38

I don't like suing things like beds/cots for time out otherwise they associate these places with when tey have been told off or are in trouble not with somewhere they are going to sleep IYKWIM.

I would ignore it, if this does not work try time out on the stairs or a stall, but ignoring it may work.

Surfermum · 03/04/2007 22:39

I agree that ignoring is the best thing to do, and by that I don't mean pretend it didn't happen, I mean remove your attention from your dd.

I found very quickly with dd that being stern and saying "no" didn't work. Instead I used to put dd down and walk away. One day I walked into a different room and held the door shut. She cried .... but she never hit again. Not for a while anyway .

ScoobyDooooo · 03/04/2007 22:41

I also find that if i don't want dd to do something which she is doing, i tell her no in a stern voice then remove her & put her in front of something else to play with to take her attention of what she was doing, this works with my dd cause she then forgets what she was doing in the 1st place!

Lact8 · 03/04/2007 22:44

Ignore, ignore, ignore

DD is 15 months and will often give me a quick slap around the face followed by the sweetest grin and great pleasure at the loud slap noise she has just made.

A 'friend' came to visit when her DS was about 8 months old and DS2 was 2.5. I could tell she was horrified at how rough DS2 was being, not in a nasty way, just usual toddler behaviour, she even said 'Is he always like this?'

She never came back or phoned me again

when I think of her DS now, full of normal toddler behaviour and I imagine she must think 'what a knob I was at L8's house!'

JodieG1 · 03/04/2007 22:45

Agree with Colditz. Am [shocked] at the time out suggestion! Just because language skills differ doesn't mean that understanding does.

JodieG1 · 03/04/2007 22:46

Also agree that 18 months is just a baby still.

suejonez · 03/04/2007 22:49

at 16 months Ds grabs really hard and pinches. I stop him by holding his hand and say no very firmly. He also laughs at the "NO" but he doesn't like me holding his hand away and does pay attention to that. I don;t let go of his hand until he pays attention. After about 3 days of this pretty consistently he stopped - he does revert occasionally when tired.

He would abslutely not have the attention span to associate a time out of any kind with a habit like smacking or pinching.

frances5 · 04/04/2007 00:03

Children of 18 months respond to negative simuli. So do dogs and parrot and many other primative animals. Behaviourism works well with animals. Rewards often work better ie. getting a bird to pull a lever to get a nut, but animals do learn from nasty experiences. There have been lots of horrid experients

Putting a child in timeout at that age is a negative experience. They can't sit and think. Child hits then they get negative experience. Its a matter of personal choice whether you think that holding their hand tightly or imprisoning them is acceptable.

Whatever age your child is you always think of them as your baby. My granmother though of her 72 year old son as being a baby even though he is a granfather himself! It is fairly common for people to consider a child who is walking, talking and interacting with the world to no longer be a baby.

colditz, what stage do you think a child stops being a baby and becomes a toddler. At what age do you think a child leaves toddlerhood. I think a baby becomes a toddler when he/she starts to walk and talk and starts showing that they have will of their own.

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