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My DD is being 'left behind' by her more sophisticated friends :(

7 replies

Mumofmany4and6 · 03/09/2017 11:56

Hello, how can I help my DD. She is 8 and my middle child of 2 older disabled boys and a younger boy. She is the youngest in her year (will be year 4) but has always had a group of about 8 girls who have been friends since reception. Towards the end of last year I was getting a lot of tears about her friends being mean and leaving her out. I tried to do lots of play dates (these are really hard for me to do!) and did notice a number being turned down. To be frank pretty much all her friends are only children of wealthier families than mine. They all do funky things like concerts and holidays abroad and have trendy clothes. I know this is an age old problem. Anyway my daughter tries to make up for this by being the 'funny one'. Yesterday I invited her group round for a play date in the garden. Only 4 wanted to come. When they did come I could see what was happening. They were discussing things and saying to my DD 'you wouldn't understand' then saying her play date was boring and making other arrangements to go to each other's houses where they had more social media stuff. I'm sure you can picture it. My DD was in bits when they left. How can I help her? Thankyou Flowers

OP posts:
underthebridget · 03/09/2017 23:29

Oh this is a difficult one isn't it? It may be that actually, this just isn't the right group of friends for her? I was lucky at that age that I was able to do a couple of dance/drama classes outside of school (I don't know how my parents afforded this, we weren't well off at all) and having a separate group from school really helped. I think it was good to make friends outside of school so there wasn't so much pressure of my school friendships. It helped with my confidence hugely.
Are there any extra curricular activities via school or privately that might offer her a way to meet others?

fabulousathome · 04/09/2017 16:22

How about doing a craft activity at home with just one of the group? Perhaps your DD can name one girl who is more pleasant to her. Big groups of girls are a bit full on.

LML83 · 06/09/2017 21:41

that's awful. Poor dd.

I tell my DD age 7 that nice people always find each other just keep being nice and you will find your group.

I would join a club so she has friends outside of school and isn't reliant on this group. They will prob grow out of it but in case not I would be hoping for other friends.

LML83 · 06/09/2017 21:41

that's awful. Poor dd.

I tell my DD age 7 that nice people always find each other just keep being nice and you will find your group.

I would join a club so she has friends outside of school and isn't reliant on this group. They will prob grow out of it but in case not I would be hoping for other friends.

JayDot500 · 07/09/2017 11:20

I'd help her make different friends. Unfortunately, their comments have confirmed that they think very little of your daughter. What exactly wouldn't she understand? I wonder.

I'm sure your daughter is great, introduce her to newer things, experiences and people. I'd hate for her to be disrespected further.

CotswoldStrife · 07/09/2017 12:21

Is it the social media stuff causing an issue? My DD doesn't have any (I don't think she can cope with it at the moment) and most of the other children do, so I do think she misses out in that respect - but - I also know that she doesn't like some of the stuff on there so just now it's best not to bother at all rather than mop up the tears afterwards!

My DD also does stuff outside school which helps (although they are often older and also have social media).

Mumofmany4and6 · 08/09/2017 23:23

Thankyou for your kind comments. I think social media is a big problem. They all have apps like musically and Snapchat and contact each other, I can't afford ipads and anyway from the videos I've seen of her friends (when they've shown me on their iPods and phones!) I don't really want her doing it anyway!?! Even tonight 6 of them are at a sleepover together, my DD is so sad again, but trying to put a brace face on

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