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3 month old hates her dad after jabs and refusing bottle now

10 replies

chaoticmum2b · 03/09/2017 08:42

I'm really not sure what to do.

My daughter seems to hate my husband. He's a loving dad and I can't see what he is doing wrong. Everyone says, 'Oh, it's normal for babies to prefer to prefer their mum' but this is different. She gives him a look of terror or hatred sometimes. She can be happy with me but if he picks her up she'll cry. Yesterday he tried to change her nappy in public and she screamed blue murder.

It's not all the time but enough where I get worried about even letting him take her as it may end up being okay and then make him feel a but better - or she'll scream or look for me and it makes him feel really bad. He's cried and been so down about it. I ended up crying when she did it when out yesterday as it was heartbreaking to witness.

We had this issue after her first set of jabs. It took about 10 days to die down. However, it's happened again after her 12 week jabs but seems to be getting worse, not better. I don't know if linked but it's not like it was a male nurse giving them.

My mum (who hardly sees her) can settle her and she's even okay with female strangers. She didn't like my dad either really but she does love my husband's dad. He is veey slight, timid and softly spoken whereas my husband and dad have deeper voices and beards.Im not sure if it's a testosterone thing!

My daughter is breastfed and because I was trying to build up a stash to go away for a night on a hen do (I'm a bridesmaid and also thought it'd be good for them to bond) we haven't given a bottle every night but would usually do so a couple of times a week.

I know the advice us for the partner to take over a fun part or a feed but if she's screaming then I don't know what to do.

She's also now refusing a bottle from either of us.

People say things like, 'Just leave them to it and she'll have to get on with him' and that 'she won't starve' but that feels like crying it out sleep training and I worry it will do more harm than good.

I do think taking away one night feed by him was a very bad idea on reflection. He also used to burp her but then I felt that I was passing her over for the shit stuff and not fair. He therefore doesn't have his own role but gas been involved where he can to soothe and play with her. She HATES baths so he can't do that to make things better.

Anyway, did anyone else go through such stages after jabs? Not sure if related or a coincidence. And any suggestions as to how to solve it? I never pictures tgis happening as my husband is so loving and has been a natural with other babies and children as laid back and calm. I just can't see a reason for her behaviour and it's heart breaking to witness.

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FurryGiraffe · 03/09/2017 10:33

How is she with him if you leave them alone? I'm talking half an hour while you have a bath rather than anything more major! I think in your situation I'd be trying to make sure they have as much time together as possible, without you, at times when she's likely to be happy and settled- i.e. Well rested and fed, but awake.

Do you/your DH use a sling at all? My DH used one with both our DSs and he thought it was brilliant for bonding. He never gave either of them a bottle btw. Pursue that if you want to for you (ie to give you some freedom) but it's not a necessary step to dad having a close relationship.

chaoticmum2b · 03/09/2017 11:03

She seems to cry at the moment, even when chilled and fed before. However, I'm not out of the house so that may be a problem. He has used a sling but she screams for the first few minutes and then falls asleep. So it's good if I need a break as at least she sleeps but they don't bond (and maybe she then associates him with the bad initial part, but I also use a sling occasionally and it doesn't make her hate me).

We're going to attempt me leaving the house for an hour today to go to the gym just after a feed I think.

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InDubiousBattle · 03/09/2017 19:14

My dd would scream blue murder if any man picked her up until she was 6 months old. She would just about tolerate dp on the odd occasion but mainly just wanted me, all hell would break loose if one of her grandads even looked at her! She's 2 now and perfectly bonded to dp, loves her dad and will settle perfectly well with him, adores her grandads.

chaoticmum2b · 03/09/2017 22:50

InDubiousBattle That's exactly the kind of reassurance I was looking for, thank you!

I made it to the gym and my husband had an ok-ish time with her. He videod some parts from afar as started worrying that her being okay could be wind related smiles! She wasn't quite as happy as with me but she was engaging with him so it's progress!

Still screamed and refused the bottle though but will persevere!

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ImogenTubbs · 04/09/2017 08:47

That's good progress! Babies are complicated. Your DP really mustn't take it personally. They'll get there. It sounds like you are tackling things well. Good luck!

Didiplanthis · 04/09/2017 14:50

My dd refused to take a bottle. At 3 months i had to go out. She took a bottle when I wasn't there. She was never keen but we managed. Until she was 6 months - She hasn't touched a bottle or drunk milk since ! I was in despair but she went straight to feeding herself with a cup with water. Shes 7 now so doesn't seem to have hurt her.

chaoticmum2b · 06/09/2017 05:48

Yes, we are making progress though I think both of is can't help but be a little anxious of her reaction to him. Going to after an evening gym session though I'm.not sure if a bad idea as she is worsen in the evenings.

I was thinking that she may take a bottle if not there so may need to try that and see.

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LML83 · 06/09/2017 21:34

i find if my baby had the choice he wanted me. But when I wasn't there he was happy/accepted dh. Then I went back to work and dh had Monday's off to watch kids and that regular alone time together helped them bond and soon he was happy with me or dh when both there.

I think little trips out like the gym are a great idea. Hope it's resolved soon.

Huldas · 07/09/2017 06:39

OP my dad was a big man with a deep voice and a beard. Apparently I wanted nothing to do with him as a small baby and would scream if he looked at me! We ended up having a wonderful loving relationship and he was a very hands on dad. You're daughter is very little, I know this distresses you and dh but stay calm in front of DD, let her know she has nothing to fear and all will be well.

chaoticmum2b · 10/09/2017 16:48

Thanks again for all the encouragement. We had a busy weekend this weekend so no time to leave them alone before the 'witching hours' but I hope it will continue to improve if I do leave them. He wasn't able to settle her again when out despite her being a little better with him at home.

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