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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Any solutions for a 4yo uniform refuser?

19 replies

flutterworc · 02/09/2017 19:25

DS is 4 and due to start school next week. He's been at his school 2 days a week for 6 months at preschool and has made friends and is more than happy to go in that respect (though he still tells me 'not EV'RY DAY Mummy!' I know how he feels...)

However he is adamant that he doesn't want to wear the uniform that the school requires when they move into F2. He's had one try on, facilitated by a massive amount of bribery and corruption to ensure that it fits, but insists that he wants to go in his 'soft trousers (joggers) that we used as his nursery clothes.

We're continually telling him that his uniform shows that he's part of the team, and that his two best friends will be wearing it. We've talked about the fact that Mummy & Daddy wear uniforms for work (in the loosest sense - we both work in schools).

Anyone else had this problem? What did you do that broke through?

As it stands, I'm predicting a complete paddy-meltdown and delivering a tear stained child come Wednesday...

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eyebrowsonfleek · 02/09/2017 19:27

If he turned up at school and saw that he was in the wrong clothes would he go back to the car and change?

eyebrowsonfleek · 02/09/2017 19:31

Could you hide his comfy trousers?

Roseformeplease · 02/09/2017 19:31

Talk to the school? Books about starting school from the library?

Original poster

flutterworc · 02/09/2017 19:32

If only. He's massively stubborn absolutely nothing like his Dad... and really couldn't care less. I'm reassuring myself that this bodes well in terms of peer pressure in later years, but doesn't help so much at the moment!

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TheAntiBoop · 02/09/2017 19:32

Have you told him that he doesn't have a choice?

Could you get him a different pair of trousers that still comply but feel softer? I assume it is just a t shirt on top?

OrphanAccount · 02/09/2017 19:32

DD has some jersey trousers for school. They're very soft. Would he like those any better?

Gileswithachainsaw · 02/09/2017 19:36

Oh bless him. Stupid thing is he's got a point. What is wrong with soft joggers. Stupid scratchy school trousers...

Would a pair of leggings or maybe cycling shirts underneath help?

I think.m&s do a "skin kind" range ?

eyebrowsonfleek · 02/09/2017 19:36

Has he seen pics of his friends on social media in new uniform so he can see that he has to wear these trousers?
Would he respond to his teacher being unhappy if he was in wrong uniform?

cheesypastatonight · 02/09/2017 19:41

How about telling him he doesn't have a choice and he'll have to do as he's told?
Otherwise you are setting up him for all rules are negotiable and it's all about him.

Original poster

flutterworc · 02/09/2017 19:41

We've done lots of starting school books, but the uniform thing doesn't seem to be a big part of most of them.

He's a good boy and likes to follow rules (usually) but has always had a hatred of clothes that aren't comfy... (This really isn't a sensory thing - he shows almost no signs of being even a little way into the spectrum). We've told him that it's the rules (usually the end to any conversation as he tends to accept that and move on) but it's not working on this one. We've talked about his teacher being cross with him if he doesn't follow rules, but still - nada.

The school uniform doesn't allow for anything other than proper school trousers and he also has to wear a shirt and tie. It's one of the last few state schools that seems to be clinging on! The school I teach at has polo shirts, and it's a secondary!

I haven't got social media connections with his school friends, but shown him some of his other friends in theirs - as they're girls they're not wearing the same uniform and so he doesn't believe me!

Will send a message to the school asking for advice. Perhaps just more bribery and corruption is the way forward...

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MNHQ

CarolineMumsnet · 02/09/2017 19:42

Hi there Flutterworc and thanks for getting in touch asking us to move this thread. We're pinging it on over to Behaviour/development right now .

Original poster

flutterworc · 02/09/2017 19:43

Oh, I have no intention of suggesting to him that he doesn't have to wear uniform. One way or another he'll be wearing the uniform, but just trying to get him as comfortable as possible with it before them to preempt as many problems as possible.

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Original poster

flutterworc · 02/09/2017 19:43

Thanks @CarolineMumsnet

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Gileswithachainsaw · 02/09/2017 19:45

Could you wash them a few times with a lot of softner?

lorisparkle · 02/09/2017 19:45

Are they allowed shorts? Ds3 hates trousers and only wore them for a couple of months when school said he had to. He was thrilled when he could go back to shorts at Easter. How about the promise of a pair of soft trousers waiting for him when you pick him up. It is only for 6 hours so you could draw on a clock the short time he had to wear them. We are lucky at our school all reception children wear jogging bottoms- much more practical. They still got complaints mainly from fathers of girls!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/09/2017 19:47

You're just going to have to be firm. Go with "It's a school rule and everyone has to follow it" and then don't get drawn into an argument.

IME, most 4 year olds respond well to a sticker chart. You could make a simple one where he gets a sticker for each morning he puts on his uniform without a fuss and a prize if he achieves a line of stickers, eg a small toy or something.

Good luck! Some of his uniform refusing might be tied up in him feeling anxious about the transition to school. Hopefully he'll soon get used to it.

Original poster

flutterworc · 02/09/2017 19:49

Great suggestions!

Will launder them with bucketfuls of softener and take joggers at pick up!

They are allowed shorts, but he doesn't like those either - unless they're 'soft'!

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Original poster

flutterworc · 02/09/2017 19:50

Ooo, a sticker chart! I've not had a reason to make one so far! Doing that too!

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Cakedoesntjudge · 02/09/2017 19:52

I would not discuss it with him any further other than a final "whether you like it or not you will be wearing them" - then I'd be tempted by two different tacts, neither of which I'm sure would be particularly recommended but I have had success with both methods in the past!

On Tuesday night lay out his uniform ready for when he wakes up Wednesday, then either:

If you can speak to the school beforehand and they're willing to get on board with it, if he insists on the joggers, take the trousers to school in a bag and tell him he can explain to the teacher why he doesn't feel the need to follow the rules and his trousers will be with him if he decides to change his mind (I actually did this when DS was pre school aged and refused to get dressed at all for a while. After I turned up very stressed one morning his keyworker told me to do this and it worked).

Hide all other trousers. If he still refuses to put them on shrug and say "ok I'll take you in your pants then."

Method 2 is very dependant on how stubborn your DS is!! Mine is fairly stubborn but unlike your DS does panic about what his peers will think of him so this was enough to get him to get dressed in the end.

However it works out, try not to let yourself get too stressed. I highly doubt he will still be doing the same in 10 years and it will be a story to look back on and laugh like when DS refused to wear any clothes at all without a meltdown.

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