24 month old - normal behaviour?

[User24689]

Hi all,
DD is 24 months and recently I've been concerned that she is not really developing socially and worrying about how she interacts with others. The things I've noticed that are bothering me are:

• She is mostly silent in social situations eg parties, playdates, if a friend comes to house. She'll ignore adults when they speak to her, unless it is someone she sees very often. She says please and thank you quite reliably at home but if offered something by another adult outside the home she will snatch and run away, like she wants to get the interaction over with.
• She goes to daycare 3 days a week and really likes her carer. Even so, when I drop her off in the morning and the carer says good morning to her and tries to engage her, she will usually just stare at her with her thumb in her mouth. She shows no pleasure at being there, yet is fine for me to leave. They say she is happy there during the day.
• She sometimes completely ignores my husband (her dad) when he comes home from work, not even acknowledging he's arrived. Other times will run to greet him at the door.
• when told off for something fairly minor (e.g. banging toy on screen door) she will actively look for other more naughty things to do, one after another. I have to distract her or it is as though she sees it as a challenge and will end up just doing one thing after another until I get cross and she has a huge tantrum. I can see in her eyes she is watching to see how I will react.
• She is happy when told we will see one of her little friends at a playdate but then will ignore them when we turn up.

-Will not play directly with other children but alongside them. Doesn't talk to other children, as far as I have observed (not sure about daycare)

• Doesn't smile when she has her photo taken (I've noticed others her age do)

Does any of this sound odd? At home she is generally a happy chatty 2 year old but I'm increasingly feeling she is a bit 'quirky' and worry others think she is odd or worse rude. Im in a friendship group of mums with kids born at the same time and I've noticed the other children are much more social and like holding hands and dancing with each other etc. Whereas DD is often doing her own thing and showing no interest. It might just be her personality but in worried it's something more. Does it sound like I need to worry? TIA

My daughter used to be like this, well worse, she wouldn't just ignore people she would lie on the floor and scream when she saw people! (Grandparents etc.). She didn't like nursery either.

Anyway, something just clicked one day, it's like she suddenly realised that people weren't all horrible after all! She's fine now, still shy but much more sociable.

Thanks buckyou that's reassuring. What age did it change for you? I'm okay with her being shy, if that's all it is. I'm quite shy myself and often prefer my own company. I just worried there might be something wrong. It could be that my friends all have naturally gregarious children (which thinking about it would also match their personalities) Thanks for replying.

All sounds very normal to me - a combination of typical toddler behaviour (playing alongside others) and her personality (maybe being a bit shy or taking a little longer than others to warm up in new environments).

They're very much still learning social 'rules' at this age so if they don't feel like saying hello in the morning, they won't!

I saw with my own DS at this age that he would often sit by the sidelines and observe quietly in a new environment rather than getting stuck straight in. He's three now and will still completely blank questions from other adults sometimes (if he's feeling shy or doesn't understand) even though at other times he is very gregarious and chatty and adores his friends.