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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

oh no. help! birds and bees question

14 replies

nightowl · 18/07/2004 06:43

oh how can something that started so innocently suddenly turn into a problem? dont know if there's any full monty fans out there but have you seen that new advert...for garden stuff i think..with that song "i believe in miracles..where you from..you sexy thing" (sorry dont know what the song is actually called.) well here i was singing happily along to it the other week when i realised baby was giggling at me. so i sung it again and so did her brother, until she got bored of it. now sometimes when hes gving her a cuddle he tells her shes a "sexy thing". so fine i think, its his little way of saying he loves her and i take no notice. until tonight. we're all having a goodnight cuddle when he comes out with "shes sexy, and when we're older, me and her are going to have sex" then he grins at me looking for a reaction. well he's 7 and although he doesnt know what sex is, he knows its something that kids at school giggle about and i surpose he sees it as a bit of a naughty, cheeky subject. but how on earth do i explain to him that this isnt a nice thing to say without making it all look very dirty and sordid? im cringing...what if he comes out with something like this at school? i know its amusing in a way but it would sound so terrible if he said anything like that to other people. im quite embarrassed posting this actually but i havent a clue how to deal with it

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fairyfly · 18/07/2004 07:16

When my eldest son(50) says something inapropriate
(last thing was "lick my balls" so i wouldn't be embarassed if i were you) After laughing, i just say, babba boy you can't say that again as it would get you into trouble, i think people would get quite grumpy. I don't even explain what he has said, i'm not going to teach him what balls are. Then i make him promise that he understands it is naughty, give him a wink and a kiss. I have never had a repeated expletive again. I do give a very serious mean look though.

fairyfly · 18/07/2004 07:33

I think we need an entirely new thread about the fact i call my 50 year old son Babba boy and don't want him to know what balls are

Original poster

nightowl · 18/07/2004 08:00

PMSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Original poster

nightowl · 19/07/2004 01:49

anyone?

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Chandra · 19/07/2004 02:01

Well, maybe I ould just explain him that brothers and sisters don't have sex, and I think is a good oportunity for you to explain what sex is rather than wait for his friends to explain their own version of it in a couple of days. I would try to explain it in a very natural way, nothing dirty, not big fuss about it, so he doesn't find it intriguing. There are some very good books at children libraries to help you explain the topic.

PS I understand you may find him young for this explanations but if he is already hearing things about it in the school, I believe is perfectly convenient for you to explain him now.

maisystar · 19/07/2004 02:04

sorry no help with the birds and bees ( ds is only 3 1/2) but............pmsl fairyfly

edam · 19/07/2004 02:10

Nightowl, you could try overwhelming him with science. My mother, who had just finished a degree in zoology when she had me (she promises I wasn't the practical...) had me drawing diagrams of the reproductive organs when I innocently asked about where babies came from. Just very matter of fact (although it did startle our childminder, apparently). So it was never a big thing, no fuss about it. Which meant when boys at school started sniggering I just thought they were irritating and a bit dim. If you try getting some good books with diagrams and talking your ds through how it all works, very matter of factly, it may make the subject so boring he doesn't bother to mention it again for a while, or does't think it's funny or guaranteed to get a reaction if he says something about sex, IYSWIM. Not sure if that's any use at all!

berries · 19/07/2004 13:53

"Mummy laid an Egg" is a good, funny book which explains the very basics to young children. Mind you, after carefully reading it with dd1 (8) she raced up to dh giggling when he came in and explained all about it (cue rather startled daddy) and then promptly turned to me and said "you and daddy would never do that though, would you"

malinki · 20/07/2004 12:57

I'd like to offer help, but my dd thinks she is marrying spiderman next year . Were we all this innocent when we were kids, she's only 4 as well.

Lara2 · 25/07/2004 20:29

I agree with berries - 'Mummy Laid An Egg' - Babette Cole is fab. DS1 asked in a big voice in Safeways "Have you and Daddy ever done it on a spacehopper?"

Piffleoffagus · 25/07/2004 20:38

My son aged 10 still maintains that he wants his babies with me, even though he knows full well all the reasons WHY NOT!
I think it is very much a boundary test, they hear some things about ooh err naughty sex stuff and put themselves in the position of who they love the bets and apply that logic, in a way its sweet, but obviously well dodgy in theory...
I'd ignore it unless it becomes a constant thing.
Imagine how much worse it would be if you were in the queue for the bank and he saw one of the pretty young things and said he would have sex with her later on...
I well recall my ds at age 4 as we were behind a foxy young lady of about 15 or 16 wearing a low cut strappy vest on her lovely tanned slim body...
ds said oooh mummy thats a sexy lady... she nearly died, not sure he was the age group she was hoping for attention from...
Nightowl this will be the first of a hundred priceless gems...

WideWebWitch · 25/07/2004 21:02

Nightowl, my ds, who is also nearly 7, sometimes uses the word Sex inappropriately too i.e. 'they sexed each other' when clearly they didn't, (if there were such a word, which I don't think there is) - we're talking 6yos in a playground here. I think it must be a word that starts being bandied around school about now or something but he clearly doesn't know what it means, I think he thinks it means kissing actually. We've got mummy laid an egg, which I recommend too, and he does know where babies come from (he has a baby sister) and how they are made, demonstrated by the fact that he said to me 'but I'm not allowed to be there when you make the baby brother or sister am I? () but I don't think he's connected the facts of how babies are made with the word Sex. I usually just tell him he's using the word incorrectly if he uses 'they were sexing' or whatever and ask him what he actually means and it usually turns out he means kissing or something. Hard one innit? I must explain this properly to mine too!

WideWebWitch · 25/07/2004 21:06

Actually, I've just remembered that when I explained about where babies come from he suddenly looked really pleased that he'd GOT IT and said "Ohhhhh, I know, it's like animals mating then?" (since he's a wildlife programme watcher) and when I said 'well, yes, sort of, but when humans do it it's called sex' he fell about laughing and chanted 'mummy saaaiddd SEX, mummy saaaaidddd SEX!' I'd forgotten that. Hmm, must re-explain maybe that there's no such thing as 'sexing' in the way he uses it then!

nutcracker · 25/07/2004 21:12

I am sooo dreading explaining it all to my kids. So far i have mamnged to get round it.
Dd2(4) asked me how the baby got out of my tummy. So i quite truthfully told her that the surgeon cut a hole in my tummy and pulled the baby out.

Boy is she in for a shock one day.

Think i should probably get a few books on the subject just incase.

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