I have an adopted DD who was going through similar patterns of behaviour. 
for you because it is utterly exhausting and emotionally draining.
I would guess / suggest that a lot (possibly all) this behaviour stems from insecure attachment and not feeling secure and lashing out as a way to be in control. My DD had similar stress relating to the contact visits she had with birth parents which she had to do whilst in foster care.
I'm by no means an expert but the following have worked / helped for me and DD:
Really structured days which we talk about the day or night before. Eg lots of repeating 'so tomorrow we are doing x y z' even if XYZ is only washing up, going to the postbox, watching a DVD. The constant repetition and reminding helps them to feel grounded and secure in the moment.
At a parenting course I did recently which focuses on parenting children who've experienced trauma they talked a lot about the 'I wonder' technique (not its official name just how I remember it!). Basically, it's about retuning our brains as parents from wanting to resolve a situation straightaway 'no you can't have that, why not? because i said so etc' which as we know just seems to escalate the rage, to stating out loud that you can see that they're angry, frustrated etc and then wondering out loud why that might be. Eg. I can see you feel frustrated that ive said you can't do XYZ, that must be really hard for you. I wonder why that's made you feel so cross. It is totally counter intuitive to the general parenting advice which is that they should do what you've said without arguing etc and it felt to me in the early stages of doing it that I was almost pandering to her bad behaviour and I really struggled, but stick with it and it does work. It helps them to feel that you understand and will be there for them even when they are being utterly grotty and it helps them to name the feelings they are having.
Ignore the standard reward chart, stickers etc advice if she is completely disregulated when she is having these meltdowns. Use 'time in' rather than 'time out' as sending them away to calm down reinforces feelings of shame and inadequacy. Try things like ice or toast to crunch on when she's in a meltdown. Apparently doing something sensory can help them to calm down when they're really disregulated. DD loves ice and although she would refuse it from me initially mid meltdown (sometimes throwing it across the floor in a rage) she would usually eventually go to it and it would help.
It's really hard to stay calm when they are constantly letting it out with you and nobody else. You need to look after yourself which is way easier said than done, but any time you can have away and do something you enjoy to recharge you emotionally is really beneficial (really hard as a single parent I know).
I also used to have major major issues at bedtime. Doing some quiet breathing with DD courtesy of an app called calm has also really helped (I was very sceptical but so desperate I would have tried anything!) also there's a good book of meditations for kids called relax kids by marneta viegas which we read one of each night and this also has been a godsend.
There's loads of stuff on attachment if you google but read most of it knowing it's worst case scenarios. Your DD can recover from early trauma and it won't always be like this (even if it feels like it now)
A couple of book recommendations: volcano in my tummy is supposed to be really good, and I have found the Todd Parr 'feelings book' really helpful to use with DD. It's irreverent in parts and lighthearted but it's funny and appeals to kids.