4 year old behaviour

[Pinkoyster795]

Please can anyone help me? I'm literally at my wit's end with 4 year old DS. He's argumentative, shouty, incredibly rude and generally hysterical when he doesn't get his own way. Nursery can't cope with his tantrums and I'm terrified for him as he starts Reception in a few weeks and I know he will struggle. He's always been a little highly strung but has really outshone himself the past few weeks. Part of the problem may be the things he's watching-lots of Power Rangers (which is obviously over his age range) which he sees at the childminders. I'm just not coping very well with his behaviour at the moment, and tend to get cross at him when I know that he doesn't really understand. Today when the CM complained about his answering back, it was the last straw and I'm afraid I cried a lot in front of DS, who was terrified poor thing. What upsets me most is the fact that he has resigned himself to bad behaviour and says things like: 'I know you're going to put me in time out' in the middle of a tantrum. I've tried lots of positive praise but he thinks it gives him carte blanche to continue said bad behaviour. I know I'm at fault, but really don't know how to improve my parenting. I have an older DC who is generally lovely. I love them both so much and just want to be the best parent I can.

Sorry for the long post. Well done if you got this far, and TIA x

Poor you...Can you request that the cm doesn't let him watch power rangers, only age appropriate tv (if you're happy with tv)? What did your cm say exactly? Have you both got the same approach?

Is this where the trouble stems from or would he be like this even without going to the cm dyou think?

'I know you're going to put me in time out' in the middle of a tantrum. This sort of stood out for me. When mine had a tantrum at that age they weren't capable of rational thinking or speech. I wonder if he has more control during the tantrums than you think he has.

Have you tried just picking him up and putting him in a safe area (like his room) to calm down?

What I found was what works for one child, doesn't necessarily work for the other. So it may be having had an easy child, you're trying to parent the other child the same. I know with dd1 I could discuss with her if she was upset (rarely tantrummed), and work out a compromise. Dd2 I discovered very quickly she was too good at negotiating, ds wouldn't listen at all in a tantrum. So Dd2 I had to tell her "no" and not change, and ds I would put him in his room to calm down and when he was calm we could talk about it.
Dd1 loved being in her room to play and dd2 would have thrown everything out of her room so I didn't use that for them.

Thanks guys. Today has been an epic failure of a day as a parent for me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I really hope tomorrow will be better-know exactly how you feel and sending you a hug. My 4 year old boy has recently started with the worst tantrums he has ever had and once he starts one he is uncontrollable. I have also been in tears today over his behaviour. I am sorry I can't offer any advice-as like yourself I have tried various different things to no avail but please know that we are going through it too x

First off, you are NOT a bad parent. This parent lark is the hardest "job" I've ever had and I've had some jobs! You clearly love your kids and believe me, we all make mistakes, I have often (daily) reflected I could have handled things better. I think witchend has it saying what works for one won't necessarily work for another. The only thing that really helped me (when I remember) is children respond to the way you deal with them, in that if you shout, they shout. I've been practising with my 4 year old dd during "meltdowns" and if I'm really calm (clenching your buttocks helps!) after 5 mins she calms right down. I remind her I love her and know she doesn't want to be naughty and try and talk about how they're feeling and why, then deal with the answers. It's just trying to support their self worth, like really focus on the good things. There is no magic wand, just patience, time & love which you're doing. Good luck, you're not alone!