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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

naughty neighbours knock on wall when baby cries

76 replies

traceyn · 30/03/2007 22:36

my single young neighbour bangs on the wall when my baby cries, which is rarely
Happened again this morning laid dd on bed for 5 mins whilst having bath, 5.5 months, she decided to have a little grumble about being left. Had to get out of the bath to pick dd up to stop her crying because my neighbour tried to knock the wall down !, just imagine if dd had colic what would she do then ?. (I did'nt knock on the wall when she brought someone home the other night !)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

VeniVidiVickiQV · 30/03/2007 22:57

id tape your DD every time she whinges or cries and make a compilation tape that you can play on loop whilst you go out for a few hours...

Or, play it when she is having loud sex..

Spidermama · 30/03/2007 22:58

Aw Traceyn that's very upsetting for you. You need to talk to her and explain, in as friendly terms as possible, that mums have very little control over when their babies cry and that she might like to purchase some foam earplugs (cheap on ebay) if she finds it intolerable.

Grrrr. It's hard enough for you in the night. Silly bloody woman.

AitchTwoOh · 30/03/2007 23:00

not to mention the fact that the more tense you feel, hte more the baby is likely to cry so it's completely counter-productive.

clairemow · 30/03/2007 23:02

tracy, my old neighbours got a new puppy, and brought us round some ear plugs as they thought he might yowl a lot. At the time I thought how lovely! Was pregnant also, so told them to keep a pair for themselves for 5 months down the line. Still wear one of their plugs to drown out DH's snoring... Can still hear the children.

In all seriousness, it probably is worth trying to resolve this, as having a new baby is hard work enough without knowing you have a neighbour listening. Are you on speaking terms with the neighbour?

saffy202 · 30/03/2007 23:05

I had a neighbour do this with ds1. I think she used a broom and banged on her ceiling (we lived in the flat above). However when she brought someone home she took great delight in letting us know by banging the headboard...classy

We moved in the end as my nerves were shattered and I couldn't bear to be in my own home - 5 minutes before I left forever I jumped up and down continously on the floor and she still banged her broom, so you have my sympathy.

handlemecarefully · 30/03/2007 23:09

I'd shit through her letter box - but that's just me . Not that I am advocating this

colditz · 30/03/2007 23:14

next time you hear her having sex, make really over the top porn noises through the wall.

DeviousDaffodil · 30/03/2007 23:19

No shout ' I wonder which one is in ther tonight?'

tinkerbellhadpiles · 30/03/2007 23:23

The issue really is, if she can hear your DD, she's probably hearing everything so perhaps you should invest in some noise deadening materials (rugs etc - not a shotgun). I think she's totally out of order but all you want is her to sod off right and not have to think about it? A bit of impromptu babyproofing with soft furnishings should reduce the noise travelling a bit.

cece · 30/03/2007 23:31

Perhaps you could ask her to stop banging on the wall as it is making your baby cry

Nightynight · 30/03/2007 23:56

deepest sympathy from me - I have a wall-banging childless couple living next door.
On bad days, I regularly pray that the female half will get pregnant with twins, both of whom will get colic.

theyve got a dog, it doesnt even feckin bark - bl**y self righteous tossers!
(yes, I know Im not a very nice person.)

On the other side, we have the Perfect Nuclear Family, 2 parents, 2 perfectly behaved children, dad works, mum stays at home...she moaned to me once that their 3 bedroom house (with study and cellar) was too small for them, she couldnt imagine how 6 of us crammed into a smaller house, ha ha ha. Still, at least she doesnt bang on the wall.

Original poster

traceyn · 31/03/2007 17:07

she's not very friendly. I always say hello, and smile, but It takes her alot of effort to grunt hello.
I know that it can't be nice for her early in the morning's, but what do I do ?, I can't be with dd all of the time, need a bath etc and to get other dd ready for school, make pack up's, breakfast, the list goes on....

OP posts:

gtimama · 31/03/2007 17:18

When I was pregnant with twin daughters we had a neighbour like this. She wasn't young though, doubt if she ever shagged!

Once my husband came home from work with some kind of chemical stuff all over his work clothes so he put them straight in the wash. He forgot about them for a while but on going to bed remembered and put them in the drier. Next day she made a point of waiting for me to come out so that she could pounce and tell me how our drier had kept her up all night. She said she was a very light sleeper and couldn't even sleep in same room as her husband because she couldn't bear listening to him breath.

Bet she loved us after the twins were born!

kiskidee · 31/03/2007 17:20

have you tried knocking back?

Original poster

traceyn · 31/03/2007 17:41

no i have'nt knocked back, did'nt want to cause trouble.
B4 my nice neighbours move in, on the other side, a couple lived there and he used to beat his wife. Once I knocked on the wall to let him know I could hear what was going on, and he came around bashing on my door. I called the police out,beacause I was scared and then his wife stuck up for him !.

OP posts:

helenhismadwife · 01/04/2007 09:24

what a cow!!
I would do what others have suggested make sure she knows you can hear her as well next time she brings someone home mooing sounds or dogs barking seem very appropriate
Where we used to live we had young childless neighbours we could hear there alarm clock going off in the morning, it took me a while to realise if I could hear that then they could hear us

swifterella · 01/04/2007 09:34

what a dog- i would go round and talk to her. say that DD is a babyand babies cry and what does she suggest you do? if she doesnt like it then she can move. Also say can you stop faking orgasms as its making my baby cry if that fails shit through her letterbox as handle suggested

powder28 · 01/04/2007 09:44

attach a stereo to the wall she bangs, set up an amplifier, turn it up full pelt, then go out for the day.

sandcastles · 01/04/2007 09:57

Ignorant cow!

Next time she bangs, go around there & say

"I am sorry my baby disturbes you so much, if you think you know of a way of calming her down please feel free to come in & try because you obviously feel I am not doing it right & I do have lots I could be getting on with"

Then I would add

"Did it occur to you, that as you can hear dd, I can hear you?"

I find that being 'nice' to these people often throws them enough to back off.

Or just shit in her letterbox!

Nightynight · 01/04/2007 10:26

A German colleague told me a very good tip about complaining neighbours: Never, never be tempted to tell them what you have done to try and mitigate the problem, eg laying thick carpets. They just escalate the complaints, becuase they have proof that you care.

AitchTwoOh · 01/04/2007 14:04

wow, i think that so much of this advice is so stupid and will not make the problem any better. just go round, take a wee bunch of daffs if you want, apologise for the upset that the noise has caused and let her meet the baby.
once you've met the people in question, the noise never seems so bad.

you can just say that the crying is just one of those things when you have a baby, but reassure her that you are not leaving the baby to cry and that you are doing your best but say that the banging does make it more likely to go on, as it upsets you and the baby further.

she probably just doesn't know (or care) much about babies, so give her the oppportunity to see your lovely baby and it won't seem so bad. it's not your fault, it's the people who built your house who didn't put enough deafening in the walls, so the problem cuts both ways. you should also mention that you can hear her, but not as a complaint, just as an example of how you have to be considerate as well.

AitchTwoOh · 01/04/2007 14:05

and as for ninghtynight's german colleague...

clairemow · 01/04/2007 14:45

trouble is though Aitch, if that rather apologetic route doesn't work, tracy is then left with a neighbour who thinks that tracy feels bad for her when the baby cries. I don't think tracy needs to make it apologetic when she speaks to her neighbour, but as I suggested, taking round a set of earplugs for her is non-confrontational and addresses the issue.

AitchTwoOh · 01/04/2007 15:07

but if the neighbout thinks that tracy feels bad for the upset when the baby cries, what's the problem? she does feel bad, she is considerate of her neighbour's feelings presumably? i think it'd be pissed off if someone brought me ear-plugs, tbh.

i just don't get this 'that's what kids do' attitude. of course it is, so don't have kids if you can't afford to buy a house where their noise won't disturb anyone. and failing that, do as i do and make sure that the baby coos and gurgles disarmingly at all the neighbours, and say 'i'm sorry if you've been hearing her crying, she's teething at the mo' and let them be generous and say 'ah well, that's what babies do, innit?' but you can't go in with that attitude. it's your choice to have children, in the end. just as it's this neighbour's choice to shag loudly.

but surely both will be happier if an acknowledgment of both disturbances is made and a resolve to be as considerate as possible is voiced. it won't change tracy's bahaviour, because she is already being a good neighbour anyway. and if the approach doesn't work (although why it wouldn't is a bit beyond me) then she's no further forward or back.

AitchTwoOh · 01/04/2007 15:08

wow, so many typos...

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