Handling tantrums when a time out isn't possible

[Adviceseeker11]

Hi,

Me and my partner are in a cycle of when it is coming up to time to return his son to his other parent his behaviour deteriorates and tantrums begin. This could be from feeling unsettled or being tired so we are working on that but the problem occurs when he has to be back by 6pm (the other parent is not flexible on this and becomes irate if he's late) His son's tantrums and behaviour escalates as time to go home approaches but the challenge is there are no consequences for this at the moment because of the time deadlines.

In an ideal world both parents would support managing his behavior and each other and be understanding but unfortunately that's not possible at the moment.

Does anyone have any tips or ideas?

Much appreciated

How old is the child?

He's 4

Have you tried talking to him at a time he's not feeling stressed? He may be able to articulate how he feels about the hand-overs. If he can that would be a good opportunity to empathise and come up with some solutions together, but also reinforce the bad behaviour isn't acceptable.

As for the tantrums at home time, I'd start preparations to leave a little earlier to give time for any delays. I'd try a bit of distraction if you see him starting to struggle. How does he respond to bribery rewards? Would the promise of a small treat in the car home or the next time he's with you motivate better behaviour? None of these are long-term fixes, but could see you through until the root cause of whatever is unsettling him is discovered. Personally I'd try to stay away from negative consequences like time outs in this situation as you have identified the behaviour is likely stemming from something out of his control (although that is sometimes easier said than done!).

I'm guessing as there is animosity between his DPs the split is still fairly recent? Or has there been another major change in his situation?