9 year old scared of the dark

[Gincision]

Desperately hoping someone has got some bright ideas to help with ds2's fear of the dark...

Ds2 who is 9 has always slept with a small plug in night light, initially more so we could go and settle him during the night without having to turn the main light on. However, over the past 18-24 months he's started needing progressively more light on in order to get to sleep at night. To the point where he has his reading light on and the room is almost as light as during the day. Given that he wasn't having trouble sleeping we decided to pick our battles and that it really didn't matter.

However it has now become a problem in that when he needs to share a room (on sleepovers and our recent holiday where he shared a room with his older brother for eg) he can't sleep without the light. He says he's scared 'of someone coming in through the window and stabbing me', or variations on that theme. His room is on the second floor, and he can be reasoned with (and accepts) that this is (1)extremely unlikely, and (2) wouldn't be prevented in anycase by having the light on. But turn the light off, try to walk out, and he becomes very distressed.

He has historically been a bit of a try on child, especially at bedtime, and a part of me thinks 'FFS you're nearly 10, shut the fuck up and go to sleep'. But then another part of me really doesn't think he's trying it on, because he seems genuinely really distressed and the thought that he'd be lying in bed, in the place where he should feel safest, terrified, is awful.

Because of the problems on holiday where neither he or his brother could sleep well, because neither could tolerate the conditions the other needed to sleep, dh and I had decided (and told ds2) that when we got home he was going back to the plug in night light only.

Tonight, after 20 minutes of trying to reason with him, he came out of his room after 5 minutes, and when I took him back he was crying a shouting for me, and then after another couple of minutes came out in floods of tears. So ds and I have chatted about what he thinks would be a better approach and agreed that we will do it more gradually (his reading light is on but bent behind his bed and we'll gradually move it further away a week at a time)

However, I have a horrible feeling that the panic and distress will come back as we try to reduce the light and I'm really interested to hear if other people have had to deal with this in children his age and what on earth worked for you.

Thanks in advance for your help.

Nobody been in a similar situation?

Yes - my DS is 7 and also scared of the dark and being alone. He wants the main light on through the night. TBH, we've gone along with it for now. It's not really a problem. I slept with the light on until my late teens! However, I do see the problem re: sleepovers and holidays where he has to share your other DS. I would let him have the light on as usual for a few more weeks and start offering prizes for reducing the light gradually. Perhaps you could get one of those portable big push lights for camping (the size of a small wall clock) so if he wakes in a panic, he's got that in the bed with him and he can put it on in a hurry - no fumbling with switches in the dark.

Thanks for posting Eppia. I'm with you that If it was just him I wouldn't care about the light being on.

Liking the idea about having something he can turn on quickly if he wakes up anxious. If the panic comes back we'll definitely do something like that.

He actually settled OK tonight with reduced light so fingers crossed for now but it's great to have an idea if it all goes wrong!

Hi I've got a son he's 8 years old and he's scared of his toys and bedroom he don't like being in his bedroom on his own and he plays up at bedtime. Anyone here to help me

My DS (5) and DD (7) are no fans of the dark. Their mum makes them sleep in the dark, they don't sleep that well for her.

Here, I have a "hidden" LED strip that does a very low level red illumination of the room. They can sleep happily with that, dim red also doesn't affect sleep/night vision.

Mind you, I've just added smart bulbs and an Amazon echo to the house, so last night I heard "Alexa, turn the light on, 20%", and feet on the landing going to the loo, then a creak of a bed, and "Alexa, turn the light off.".

Made me chuckle. How fast they pick things up!

Out here, it is VERY dark. No traffic, no streetlights. I've been doing night walks with them to watch the bats.. Seems to help. They forget about the dark, and look for the bats.