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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

they prefer dad to me

11 replies

pill · 29/03/2007 22:16

please tell me that other people have experienced this but I got home from work to spend some time with my ds 5 and dd 3 but when it came to taking them to bed they only wanted daddy to take them! having rushed home from work to see them I rather over-reacted and burst into tears! It just made me feel like I must be such a crap mother that they don't want to be with me even if i've been at work all day. i work part-time and my husband is very involved so we pretty much spend equal time with the children but it just made me feel all the working mother guilt and that I must be just crap. am a bit tired so realise I am maybe getting a bit too emotional about this but has anyone else experienced the same??

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whywhywhy · 29/03/2007 22:18

yes. DS prefers daddy & I just have to accept it. He never wants me to read his stories, whether or not I've been at work that day- only daddy. He will always rather hold daddy's hand than mine when we go out.

I don't think it'll always be this way necessarily. But god it does piss me off especially as in the end I do more childcare and it's like I'm just not as special as flippin' daddy...

ScummyMummy · 29/03/2007 22:20

Aww. Poor you, I hate that feeling of longing to see thaem and then the ungrateful little bananaheads reject you. I've been there before now once or twice. So has my partner at other times. Neither of us are crap and nor are you pill, just having a tiring bad day. Hope tomorrow is better.

DominiConnor · 29/03/2007 22:27

We get this.
A lot of the time, it's demanding the other parent. So you only seem the "rejecting" you.

Also, sad to say, kids like "reaction", because it's fun. Thus they see you react, and do it more.

ScottishThistle · 29/03/2007 22:32

It's very common try not to let it get to you!

My current charge screams her head off in the morning if Daddy's already gone to work & also only wants Daddy to read her bedtime story!...Mummy gets very upset poor thing.

princesscc · 29/03/2007 22:42

Try not to worry too much. My dd is 11 now and she still prefers daddy at times. Also, I have noticed in the playground at hometime, the mums generally do the pick ups and the kids come over and just say hello, but when daddy collects it all 'daddy! daddy! running and jumping into arms!

rantinghousewife · 29/03/2007 22:58

Yep, my dd is right daddys girl. Very loving when we're on our own, but as soon as dads in, I don't get a look in. I don't feel hugely offended by it, just one of those things, but I can understand why people do. One way of looking at it, at least your dc's have enough trust in you that they don't need your constant reassurance, at least that's what I tell myself on my fragile moments, when it does offend me.

overthehill · 17/04/2007 22:10

When my dd was younger she used to draw pictures of the family, which contained everyone else including the dog & cat, but not me! I found that pretty upsetting, but things have moved on, luckily for me.

seeker · 17/04/2007 22:15

I'm sure I've said this before, but ds , aged about 3 looked up at me and said "I love you, mummy" "Oh darling.."I started to reply".....but I love daddy, Gracie and the kittens more" he went on. Family dynamics shift - in a few months they'll probably be glued limpet like to your knees, you won't be able to go to the loo on your own, and you'll long for a bit of rejection!

powder28 · 17/04/2007 22:16

No! They always seem to want me at really inconvenient times. Bedtime is a good example, they both want to crawl all over me and there is lots of crying if im cuddling one and not the other. Of course, Dh takes it really personally so I have him sulking also!

DaphneHarvey · 17/04/2007 22:27

My DD (6) loves her daddy way more than she does me. But I'm ok with this. She loves him most, next she loves me, thats great as far as I'm concerned. Tonight she said, "I love you 159% mummy but I love Daddy one hundred and fifty ten per cent". I quietly pointed her in the direction of 160% for Daddy and she was quite happy.

My DS (3.6) loves me more than he loves his Dad, atm. Its just obvious by who he wants to be with and who he cuddles up to.

I really don't care who loves who most. So long as we all love each other tons and tons its great.

And I love both the DCs equally, 100%, straight down the line - (except, depending on their behaviour, I always prefer one to the other just a teeny tiny bit over the course of the average day).

Trimum2 · 21/04/2007 23:07

My DS (2.9) is very much daddys boy. "don't want mummy, want daddy.." "I want my daddy" (he pulls this one in particular whenever I am strict with him or scold him!!)

It drives me to tears i have to confess also (when he gets me on a low day). I find it humiliating and hurtful. I also work part time and feel like a crap mum as a result of this strong preference for his dad over me.

Most days I can cope with it and we get on very well when we are on our own and as a family all together. Its just when i am feeling low and it pulls the trick I have a meltdown. I think that I he senses that its my weakness.

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