Doomed as a parent

[whatyoucamefor]

So far my parenting techniques seem to be bribe them, and if that doesn't work threaten them. How do people stay calm... seriously?

Hiya.
I'm Defo not an expert but someone recommended the book "How to talk so little kids will listen" (there's similar titles depending on your kids age)
I'm only a couple of chapters in but it is has alternative suggestions to bribing or arguing with your child. Might be worth a look.

Good luck!

Basically, they fake it until they make it. One technique often recommended on here is to pretend there is a film camera rolling. One I like is to pretend to be somebody else, my character of choice is an oldfashioned headteacher, the kind with grey hair and a twinset and sensible shoes, who is never shocked and never surprised and rarely raises her voice because she doesn't have to. Lowering the tone of your voice rather than raising the volume often gives good results.

I let my toddler watch Disney songs on YouTube when I change her nappy cos otherwise poo goes everywhere.

I also get her in the buggy by bribing her with custard creams. I just can't bear the wrestle.

I feel quite bad about both these things but also am too lazy to stop.

My god I could have written your post. I bribe, I shout, I issue random threats. I'm exactly what I thought I wouldn't be as a person (bar nastiness of course, and any hitting etc). I'm also too lazy to stop though and I'm in too deep. I feel like I need Super Nanny to come over and tell me off for a week.