Clingy baby - being told she's got to learn

[TopKittyKat]

So, I'm after some advice.

My LO is 12 weeks. She has always been a cryee baby and so when she had been passed around and she cried people would often pass her back.

In the past few weeks she has got to the point where she will cry instantly when given to others.

I am now being told by lots of people that she needs to learn she can't have her mummy all the time and that I need to persevere so she goes to others.

This doesn't sit well with me. I'm against CIO methods generally. But I am also conscious that she is going to be going to nursery three days a week at the age of 10 months.

So, wise mumsnetters. Will she grow happier with others when she's older and I just wait or do I do something now?

TIA

She's 12 weeks! I was expecting a thread about a 12 month old! It is absolutely within the range of normal for such a young baby to behave this way and not something you can 'train' out of her. All that will do is leave you both distressed.

I understand your concern about nursery but that is months away. They change so much, so quickly. Ignore what others say, cuddle your baby and do what feels right to you.

Thanks for the reassurance. That's what I think but everyone keeps telling me she 'needs to learn' and trying to take her off me.

Time to get my stern 'don't friggin mess' face on!

What do they want her to learn? That her upset and distress will be ignored? No thanks! She needs to feel secure, and if that's with you then that's what needs to happen. Imo the more secure a baby is, the more likely they'll grow up into a happy confident child. So don't let these other people bully you into going against your instincts.

By the time she's 10 months she'll be crawling, maybe cruising/nearly walking. Totally different situation and she'll be fine to head off to nursery by then.

Thanks. That's what I think too. I can't bare to hear her cry. I'll definitely stick to my guns.

I'm off to a family party tonight. Wish my luck. I'll probably be sat nursing LO and letting her suckle as she sleeps and will need to fend off the 'she needs to learn crowd'!

12 week old babies are programmed to cry when separated from their parents because that keeps them safe.

Allowing people to hold her away from you will only teach her that unfamiliar people cause her distress. That lesson repeated often enough will make her more clingy as a toddler, not less.

The more secure a child's relationship is with their primary carer(s), the more able they are to move away and explore the world when they become mobile. Even then, they will still check that you are still there.

I hope you are managing to keep the 'She needs to learn' brigade at bay this evening. I think what they mean is 'My desire to cuddle your baby is more important than her need to feel safe and secure with you.'

Nursery is a long way off. At 12 weeks old, all she needs to learn is that you're there when she needs you. I don't understand why some one would want to take a baby that's crying for her mum!

If it reassures you, I was told this with my eldest. She started nursery at 8 months and was absolutely fine. She's now about to start pre-school, and when we visited was straight in there, joining in and would definitely not be described as clingy! (She still does like a LOT of "mum-cuddles" though!)

I'd say your instincts are spot on, always!! If it makes you feel better, I gave my baby far far too much love according to many people (carried in a sling almost always, slept with me, cuddled when cried, reassured when fell over etc) and now this child is the least clingy, most confident child in any room.... despite being told by many people that my behaviour would cause a clingy child!

Sounds like you've got great instincts so keep listening to them and be prepared to tell people to sod off!

Put her in a sling; that makes it harder for people to take her off you.

My very sociable baby/toddler is much less sociable when she grew up than my totally clingy and will glare if anyone speaks and probably burst into tears baby/toddler.

Thanks everyone. I had two occasions where I had to firmly say to give her back but I got her back straight away.
I will stick to my guns on this one.
Thanks for the support