Really clingy nine month old - separation anxiety?

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Hi. I have been a SAHM with my dd for nine months now and have decided to start work again in September. To that end we have started a nanny one day a week until then to give my dd time to get used to her before I go back to work . My worry is that dd has become extremely clingy, often crying when I leave the room. She even cries when someone else tries to hold her and I'm standing right next to them.

This has been worrying me for a bit now but yesterday the new nanny started with us. I know it's the first day and I shouldn't expect too much but it was a bit of a disaster. To settle her in, me and the nanny spent all morning playing with dd who was very happy and smiley during that time. At lunch time the nanny took dd for a walk while I went out for an hour and a half. After that time the nanny phoned me to say that my dd was a little 'unsettled' although I could tell she was just being polite and dd was actually really upset. When I saw dd again (Ten minutes later) she was hysterical and clung like a limpet to me for the rest of the day. (With nanny looking gamely on) Last night I had the worst night I've had with dd in ages. She went down okay at seven but then woke at ten, hysterical. I tried to pacify her but she kept this up until twelve thirty. I only managed to get her down by staying right by her cot, patting and ssshing her. She then woke screaming again at 3.30 and took until four twenty to go back to sleep. (Again with me sitting by her cot) She then woke for the day at 6. She normally sleeps 'through' although always starts the day hideously early - about 5.30 or 6.00. So I'm pretty sure that this was a reaction to the earlier separation. But is this kind of reaction normal? She' s making me feel so guilty about returning to work and I've not even started yet! Any similar tales gratefully appreciated - I'm starting to think I've made her clingy somehow by cuddling her all the time!

Nine months old is spot on developmentally for developing separation anxiety. It just shows her brain is developing properly - you see she's just had a brain growth spurt and is now able to realise that you (mummy) are a separate person to her so could possibly - eek! - go away and not come back. Before that wouldn't have been possible for her to comprehend. It is also good because it means she is very securely bonded to you - ie all those cuddles did make her clingy, but in a really good way. She knows you are her mummy and loves you very much. This is the hardest time - probably - to get new carer and go back to work - but it will be OK, I'm sure, after your dd has adjusted. How long to you have to settle the nanny in? Can you stick around in the background as much as possible to let your dd get used to her new carer?

Is there any possibility of you having the nanny round more often than just a day a week so your dd gets used to her? I think it will be hard for her to become more settled if she will only be seeing the new nanny once a week - that's a long time in between each visit.

The nursery my children goes to won't take babies under two for a single day a week because they think it's too hard for them to settle. So if there's any chance of maybe an extra couple of days a week for the next month, or maybe an intensive week, I'd give that a try.

I'm sure she'll end up being fine but I know how heartbreaking it is trying to make it work. Don't feel guilty - it will all sort itself out eventually.

I spent a week at my dp's, and my dd stayed at my mums. My dd was fine whilst I was away, but I think I was the one suffering from seperation anxiety! But when I got back, dd was over estatic to see me and was very clingy for the next few weeks. That was when dd was about 15 months I think. Around that age.

I have also noticed that she has been very clingy lately. When her father (exp) came round to see her, she cried when I left the room and wouldnt stop til I hugged her and took inside away from him. I am now wanting to get to work like yourself so also a little worried. I was told that to get children use to this, when you leave the room that your dd is in and say that you will be back in a minute and you're just going to go ... and do ... This will get her to understand that when you tell her this you will disappear for a bit. This should supposably help them as they will expect you to come back.

Im not sure if thats much help but just passing on the advice I was told. Hopefully another mumsnetter has an idea as I could do with it too

Thanks everyone for your comments. Sari - it may be possible to have her two days a week instead although a little expensive seeing as we'll be paying for her out of dh's salary and as a freelancer I haven't even found my next job yet. (I've only ever had a few months out of work in my eight years as a freelancer but there is always a first time) We decided to get childcare arranged before I found a job so I didn't find myself in the invidious position of having to find childcare quickly having been offered a job. We took our time to find someone and are very pleased with the person we've found. She is working with another family for three days a week until we hire her full time in September.

So there is a possibility of hiring her for two days but as you can imagine that is an expensive option. However, I can report that I did hire her for the extra day last week so that I could step up the hunt for work. I'm happy to report that things were a lot better. I sat on the computer while they played on the mat so dd could see me. She seemed a lot happier and seemed to recognise Suzy (our nanny) from the day before. Suzy then took her out for an hour and a half at lunch time while she was sleeping so dd was none the wiser that I wasn't there.

I am trying to take it slowly but am hoping that dd will get used to me in the background with Suzy and will start to feel more secure. Funnily enough after those two days my sister came for the weekend. (Having also been here the weekend before) DD was so different, allowing herself to be cuddled by her and a friend (who she'd never met before) She didn't cry when I left the room and seemed perfectly happy to be around others. Coincidence? Or progress already?

ds2 wails his head off every time I leave the room. He has done this without fail EVERY time since he was 7 months old. I find it exhausting. He is ok if there are other people around and doesn't do it as much (I am a SAHM). He is fine when I put him in his cot and leave the room though.

In your experiences when does this stop/ease? Is it normal? He has to sit at my feet when I am on the loo There's no other way around it!! Well there is, but then I can't concentrate if I leave him scream!!! Would you just leave him bawl sometimes??

How old is he now? Mine started at about seven months too. Please don't say two years. I don't think I could take it!

He's now eleven months and so that's four months of this already!
It eased slightly when he got a bit more mobile (he has been bum shuffling about a bit in the last couple of weeks) I suppose he feels that if I 'go' then at least he can attempt to come and find me. He still does it loads though.
I know he's only tiny and he's only worried that I'll leave him, but that doesn't alter the fact that it drives me nutty some days.

dd2 started around 8 mths and now is like a patch of velcro on my leg at home. funny though, she's fine when I drop her/big sister off at nursery..