Anyone else living in a war zone!?

[user1498582366]

My home is like a war zone what is becoming almost everyday.

My 12 year old daughter is constantly naughty. Every night I go to bed dreading the next day. I have no energy left and I don't know what to do anymore. She dosent like the word No and kicks off about anything I have said no to.

I'm constantly wondering whether I am to blame or where I went wrong.

Losing the will to live.

It's very stressful. And so hard to stay calm.
I know how you feel.

Would it help you to write down a few of the situations that cause conflict and then we could help to see if there is any way it could be avoided.

I am kind of wondering about the fact that you use the word "naughty" about a child this old, a child that will either already have gone through puberty or be just about to. To me, that's an expression you use about a much younger child, who can't be expected to have much input in family decisions. Do you think it could be time to treat her more as a grown-up, discussing things rather than just saying No?

I said naughty to describe but I wouldn't actually normally refer to her as that. Was a nicer way of saying completely out of control!

She is going through the changes, periods have recently started and she's off to secondary school in September.

For example, she has asked for acrylic nails as all the other kids have it done. I have said no. I have explained that her nail plate is a lot thinner than an adults and most places won't do it, because there is a risk involved with children having them. I have said she can have them painted, nail art and gems etc, that's a compromise. But that's not good enough. She asks again and again why she isn't allowed and in the end, I have enough of trying to calmly explain the reasons for the 100th time. That can cause a massive outburst and then I'm called names and told she hates me, even worse that she wishes I was dead. I then throw a punishment in the works out of pure hurt and anger, and then when she realises that she is losing her computer or iPad, breaks down in tears and begs for forgiveness, says sorry and looks genuinely upset and wants a cuddle, then the next question comes and it starts again. That's just an example. The questions are relentless and the answers are never taken or accepted. Every day is a challenge and I am drained.