Toilet training DS but he's petrified of hand dryers?

[GlitteryFluff]

DS is 3 in a couple of weeks.

He starts preschool in September and they have told me he must be potty trained by then. Which is fine as he's pretty much there, though still does number 2's in his pants a few times a week but am hoping in a months time he will be better.

However the issue is I can't get him to go to the toilet in public toilets as he is petrified of the hand dryers going off. They haven't gone off since potty training, he must remember they have gone off when I've used the toilets. He's too busy covering his ears with his fists to relax enough to wee. Which results in him wetting himself 10mins after we've left the toilet.

He also won't use a potty so I can't just carry the potty around and get him to use that and even if he did use it i'd still need to take him into the toilets to use it so the same issue would occur.

I don't know how to help him. I've tried being firm and taking his hands away from his ears but they just rebound back or he shouts finished and goes to the door. If I'm all gentle and it's ok, don't worry, he then wets himself a few minutes after leaving.

I should add that I have tried the disabled toilets as well, as then I can guarantee the hand dryers will definitely not go off as its only us there and it doesn't help. His fists stay at his ears and he won't wee. Also the normal toilets we've been using have been very quiet and no other people have been in them when we've been in there so there has been no chance they'll go off and it's not been busy or noisy with other people.

I should also add he's like this with the Hoover at home, and if the taps at home are on too fast he doesn't like that noise either. Or any loud noise really. We're seeing paediatricians and speech and language therapists due to delayed speech, and other behaviours which I have been told by the therapist are traits of autism. So I'm trying to be careful in how I deal with this.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing to help him? I try to not use them if possible, so if we're just going out for an hour I get him to go before we go out and then again when we get back but when having a full day out its just hell.

Do I try with headphones and music or ear defenders?

Any suggestions?

The noise could well be painful for him, the fear of potential pain would explain why the sight alone causes him to tense up. Even as an adult, I find it tough to explain just how painful some of these noises can be. Most children will grow out of it, some will not - sensory processing disorder and hyperacusis are just two examples where coping strategies may have to be put in place.

Ear defenders can help, but be prepared to put the time in for him to get used to them (and if he's sensory defensive he may not be able to tolerate the sensation of wearing them). They're not as bad as ear plugs but they can be really disorienting at first. Lots of age appropriate explanations about how you won't set the dryer off, but you may need him to be a bit older before he understands.

Right now, it's probably the situation that is the major problem. Public toilets have likely become a source of anxiety, so you may need to take the pressure off and avoid them for a while.

For what it's worth, I'm in my thirties and still block my ears when someone sets off those horrific airflow dryers - the pain is horrendous and my ability to endure the pain is far more developed than your son's. I avoid public toilets as much as possible!

Both of my kids are scared of hoovers and hand dryers (one is awaiting dx of ASD). We play hand dryers or hoovers frequently: making the appropriate sound and sucking or blowing at each other. It seems to be helping slowly!

Would he use a potty if he could choose it? My daughter mainly peed/pooed in alleys for at least a year, in her potty when possible but also being dangled over gratings.