Is 'high needs' baby really a thing?

[lelapaletute]

Just that really - is the Dr Sears book right, and all this hell now will result in a strong-minded, charming leader in years to come - or is 'high needs' just self delusion for parents with damn difficult/miserable babies who will go on to be damn difficult/miserable toddlers/children/teens/adults?

I would do anything to make my baby happy, to meet her needs - but I can't hd her 24/7, and at six months surely she shouldn't be screaming and crying when anyone else even picks her up? I haven't been away from her for more than an hour since she was born, and I can't even leave her with her dad without a total hysterical meltdown. She does anything for less than 5 mins before she's grizzling - and if you don't think of something else QUICK, the grizzle morphs into a howl. I am SHATTERED.

So is she high needs, and it's simply her temperament? Or have I fucked her up somehow along the way?

I have a 14 month old, and I'd consider her high needs too. She was just like your LO at 6 months and later. She was dying to be more mobile and independent, but wanting constant entertainment and carrying. Now she's walking she's still demanding but she's super social and has no issue going to childcare or being without me (as long as she knows I'm coming back). I feel somehow the constant carrying and reassuring she received from a young age helped her gain some of this self security.

I have a 14 month old, and I'd consider her high needs too. She was just like your LO at 6 months and later. She was dying to be more mobile and independent, but wanting constant entertainment and carrying. Now she's walking she's still demanding but she's super social and has no issue going to childcare or being without me (as long as she knows I'm coming back). I feel somehow the constant carrying and reassuring she received from a young age helped her gain some of this self security.

Oops sorry for double post!

It's a thing. My high needs baby was horrific and is an only child for this reason. However, he went from being a terrifying warlord to being very easy going and reasonable at 2 years old and has been delightful ever since. It doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to end up with a vile, diva child.

Some babies are definitely harder, and more clingy, than others. I still remember my NCT friends' look of shock when they handed back my DD (hysterical) after I'd left her with them for 5 minutes to move my car...

She got much better when she could crawl, and much better again when she could walk. Like Hairq, I found her a delightful 2 year old and now at 4 she's still sensitive (found starting nursery hard, hates leaving people she loves after visits) but also thoughtful, kind, sensible - really lovely and very easy!

Having said that, I would expect your DD to go easily to her father at least. And whilst I wouldn't expect anything to hold her attention for more than 5 minutes (for quite a while yet!) I wouldn't expect her to howl about it whilst she's with you. Is it possible she feels unwell or is in pain? My DD had reflux, which I think was part of the problem.

Thanks for the replies ladies. Nordic, I've checked everything I can think of healthwise - cranial osteopathy, apparently not reflux, etc. she's got a shallow latch so is very windy (tried everything to fix that too!), and she has been teething since about 3 mths old, so no help - but this is of course true of most babies her age.

She'll go to her dad happily enough, but if i go out of the room she'll grizzle, if he tries to do anything like put her down for a nap or soothe her when she wakes up all hell breaks loose. We're certainly not at a place where I can go out for a few hours - he can't handle her endless crying and gets frustrated. And I neeeed a break! He took her into the garden for the morning on Saturday - an hour at most. it's the most free time I've had since she was born.

I'm so grateful for the messages of hope. Crawling has begun this week, so hopefully I'l have a happier baby soon enough... poor little darling :(

I've had 2 of these! Can't believe I made it through. Ime high needs is definitely a thing, usually reflux/tongue tie etc is a part of it.
As is making strange very early on which is EXHAUSTING.

But it won't be forever. Mine are 5 and nearly 3 now and sooooo easy by comparison to the baby days. They're nice, funny, social kids.

I bet you will find the toddler years relatively easy by comparison.

I've had 2 of these! Can't believe I made it through. Ime high needs is definitely a thing, usually reflux/tongue tie etc is a part of it.
As is making strange very early on which is EXHAUSTING.

But it won't be forever. Mine are 5 and nearly 3 now and sooooo easy by comparison to the baby days. They're nice, funny, social kids.

I bet you will find the toddler years relatively easy by comparison.

I'd say my DS was a high needs baby - I found the first six months very stressful and was so envious of all the mums whose babies would just lie there placidly. But he's now 14 months and is an absolute joy. I guess he's still 'demanding' in the sense that he wants my attention all the time, but he now has other ways of communicating what he wants besides crying. I was worried he was going to be a grumpy personality, but he's turned into a really sociable and affectionate toddler - I think he just hated being a helpless baby!

❤️❤️ I needed to see these MSG's today after another few days of unsuccessful attempts to socialize while little on screams the place down! Worst was on Monday trying to go to a gallery with my NCT ladies and their babies - 4 prams, three placid, gurgling bundles of joy, one thrashing ball of incandescent fury - that's my girl! Sooo hoping for the happy toddler! Xx