Feeling like a bad mum.

[laura6032]

Have I done something wrong? My ds 4 in October, usually a lovely boy, has such angry outbursts, I mean like, throwing toys, turning over tables and as I sit here typing this he's just broke the second TV, banged it that hard its fell over and the lcd screen smashed.
I have tried everything, reward chart, traffic light system, taking toys, no tv/movies (now not an option, I can't afford new TV again) calmly talking to him.

I don't understand, it does seem to be when he thinks he's done something wrong, we were at party today, he wanted to leave too loud, so we left, but the attitude seems to have stemmed from there.

I ended up shouting at him and sending him to his room.

I'm at a loss, any help please, I feel like the worst mum in he world

You are so not the worst mum!! I think 4's are worse than 3's. You haven't resorted to violence and alcoholism, so well done!! I wish I could offer some constructive behavioural advice - it sounds like you are trying all the right things - i often gave in on the following through and that set me back for years, if I'm being honest. As you say, if his behaviour changes after something upsetting, or maybe embarrassing ( do 4 year olds feel embarrassment?!) and he is so frustrated that he has a violent/angry outbursts, I wonder if there is something that can be done to short-circuit that reaction. Can you talk with him, ask him after something happens that you think may set him off, try and channel the frustration into something else? I used to set my daughter loose on an old swing ball in the back garden when she was feeling the rage - and tried to talk with her about her upset and frustration whilst she did it. I'd encourage her to knock the shit out of that ball until she was panting and sweaty. Then I'd be really upbeat, run her a bath with music, and give her loads of praise for "getting it out there"I think it helped. It was also quite funny to watch!!! (Unfortunately, she did hit herself in the face with the ball a few times -less funny)
Massive shame about yr telly. Big naughtiness though - not surprised you shouted and sent him to his room- four is an age where kids know that that is completely unacceptable behaviour. I genuinely think most parents would have done exactly the same. A couple of kids I know would have got smacked too -not something I do, but their parents would have thought that that situation was completely deserving, and been unrepentant. You didnt do anything bad. I really think you did exactly the right thing to show your displeasure. I would over-react, then feel bad and go up there and apologise to make myself feel better. Not any more-completely counter-productive!! I notice this post was a while ago - how are things now? Xx

Thank you for your message, things have calmed down, he still has a temper but I've started noticing it's more the way I respond to him, I think he gets easily frustrated and upset if he can't do something, then obviously he takes the I can't go this so I'll throw it approach, (cos that helps lol) then I get annoyed and tell him off. And I think this is the point at which he feels why is mum angry because in upset, and he gets more wound up, so I'm trying to remain zen Buddha calm, and so far it seems OK. An outlet sounds good idea though, thank you xxxx