4 year old out of control

[1sttimemum2014]

I am worried this is going to 'out' me but I am in desperate need of some advice!!

My 4 year old DS was the loveliest little boy and his behaviour has gradually got worse and worse and is now nearly unmanageable. He is so aggressive and hits me, his dad and his baby brother.

He actually hurts me when he hits me which is so embarrassing and I don't really want to discuss with people in real life.

It's definitely got worse since the birth of his brother and we think it may in part be down to jealousy.

At the moment we are using 'taking things away' so as an example he will hit me and will not be able to use the phone, an hour later he will hit me again and lose toys etc. He doesn't have the phone much maybe 20 mins on YouTube but he does enjoy that. It doesn't seem to matter though and in no way seems to be stopping him doing anything he is just sorry after as he has lost something. Telling him off also doesn't seem to work and I'm sick of the sound of my own voice!!

So I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this I'm terrified it's going to stay the same / get worse! I can't keep telling myself it's just a phase!! We are going to start with me spending quality time alone with him but we tried that today and he has just had one of the worst meltdowns I've ever seen. He was totally out of control.

I visited the nursery to discuss as when he started he struggled a lot with confidence and wasn't mixing at all. They have told me that the past few month (same sort of time frame) he has started playing with the 'boisterous boys' his best friend doesn't speak any English and is a physical player as he cannot communicate in anyway. I'm not blaming this child or the nursery just adding for possible context.

I appreciate any replies or advice. I'm worried about how I'm going to get through the 6 weeks break at this point 😔

Sorry for epic post

How is your DS" language development? Is he able to speak as he should at this age?

Fantastic actually, really advanced for his age. He is as expected with everything else though.
Thank you for reply x

Could of written this myself x

Sorry you are struggling too - it's awful isn't it!!

I have struggled for months with DS's behaviour (he's 5 in September). He's been really aggressive, hitting me and constantly tormenting his sister (19 months). He's also become very emotionally volatile, having meltdowns over not being able to buy toys, magazines etc. It's been really hard especially as DD is demanding at times as well.

For us, I think there are a number of reasons. 4 year old boys have a testosterone surge at this point which can explain some of his aggressive behaviour. I think he is more than ready for school and is probably a bit frustrated. He is also still very resentful of his sister as he is very much a mummy's boy. I have started spending 1 on 1 time with him at the weekends when OH does the food shopping with DD which has made a difference.

I think (hope) that we are now coming out of the other side as his behaviour has improved over the last few weeks.

Age 4 has definitely been the hardest age to deal with so far.

My heart goes out to you...I totally understand. It got to the point with my son that I wouldn't go out for fear of a meltdown and total embarrassment. He used to make me cry he hurt me that much pulling my hair or punching me. We went on holiday when he was 18 months old and I thought I would never go on holiday again he was awful! He is summer born and started school in September last year a couple of months after turning 4. I have 2 older children and never had a problem in fact my oldest is at grammar school but with my son it has been a horrendous year. He has had numerous Psych evaluations as his behaviour at times was so extreme they thought he may have something wrong with him. He has also been expelled 3 times. I tried every type of discipline under the sun, time out, taking things away etc etc. I even went on a positive parenting course and tried to implement that at home....nothing worked!! BUT he grew out of his major meltdowns, we have been on holiday 3 times since the first and he is a joy to take away now and in the last few months he has settled down at school, enjoys it and is actually learning. My point of this rather log winded post is that my sons behavior was truly awful but as he has matured he has grown out of it and to look back I never thought we would be where we are today. I have diced with the idea that he had an underlying issue my eldest 2 were never a problem at all but I always knew really he was just "naughty". Don't get me wrong he still has his moments but no more than his siblings and no more than one would expect of a child. It is a really hard road and people just don't understand unless they have been through it but there is light at the end of the tunnel i promise xx

Thank you for writing this post as it is pretty much where I am now. My son is only just 3 but his behaviour has deteriorated over the last 4-6 weeks. I have a 5 yr old DD as well. My son spends 3 days a week in nursery then has 2 days 1 to 1 time with me. My husband also makes sure that he gets some 1 to 1 time with him at the weekends. DS is incredibly affectionate and loving but can flip to an aggressive, nasty boy in the blink of an eye. His sister and I get the brunt of the aggression. I am constantly separating them or telling DD to leave him alone and do something else as he can hurt her even when I'm close by. DS seems to have so much energy (much more than his sister ever had) so I'm trying to channel that into sports/physical play. I'm also aware that he needs to drop his nap (although his behaviour is awful when he doesn't have a nap) for pre-school in September. I hope that this is a phase that he will grow out of but in the meantime the only discipline that works is to put him in his bedroom with the door closed. This is for me and him.