My 4 and half year old Ds is constantly rude and sulky to me and everyone !

[user1464795209]

Hello everyone

My oldest is 4 and half . He's never been easy but I'm just starting to worry about his behaviour .
He is constantly sulky or moody and will drown at people that say hello to him. If a child talks to him he will argue against amounting they say eg: 'oh look at the car' ( child points to car ) .. my lo will answer : 'that's not a car it's a train' along those lines .
It's like he enjoys annoying others and getting reactions . I would definatley describe his personality as rude and some of the things he does I have no idea how to deal with . He winds his younger sister up all day long and often screams at her for no reason . I put him On time out but nothing seems To work he says sorry and comes out and will do something else . I used to try and ignore bad and praise good but I'm desperate to change his behaviour as my youngest is starting to copy and act like a 'stressed' child by him. I just want two content kids and nothing I do for my son helps him.

He refuses to say hello to anybody will growl at adults who initiate a game or ask him stuff ... I'm loosing my mind ? This doesn't seem normal at all ?

He socially doesn't seem to be where his peers are and will repeat what his sister says back
To her over and over until she gets so angry and cries :(

His dad has been in prison for 8 months so I'm unsure if it's related but he's been like this for as long as I can remember

I feel so lonely / helpless and desperate

I have even stopped meeting others and their kids as he's so rude and sulky to adults and to kids it's just embarrassing

It sounds as if his social and communication skills could be a bit behind his age. That would make him appear rude and sulky (and he probably feels sulky too, if he's out of his depth around other people!) Try not to worry. Arguing is a way of having a conversation - a very simple way. You say it's an X, I say it's a Y. So if he says "no it's not it's a train" maybe try to keep the conversation going a bit "a train to where?" or "oh yes, we went on a train on Friday". Let him use his imagination freely and don't worry if he can't keep going. Just try saying a few different things and see what works.

Screaming at his sister - is it for no reason at all, or is it for reasons that make no sense to you? Something that's really unimportant like she's touched something or moved something? Or because of a sound she is making that gets on his nerves?

Save time outs for really bad stuff like physical aggression. Try to ignore as much of his rudeness as possible.

It might be worth taking him to the GP and see if you can get him checked out by a speech and language therapist. They don't just do physical speech, they also do communication and social skills. It may be that he really struggles with everyday conversation.

(PS you don't necessarily have to take him along with you to the GP, you could just go yourself and explain your concerns)

Thanks for you help . I agree and figure he doesn't quite no where he fits in so does the whole rude thing as part of trying to figure it out x

Will you let us know how you get on via the GP? I have a very similar problem, although my son (same age) is lovely to me, just blanks everyone else. Someone told me to ask the Health Visitor for an "ages and stages review" but I've tried HVs for other problems and I don't rate their help. I am wondering if the GP is worth a try.