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Behaviour/development

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Started waffling about this on another thread.....reception-aged dd1 - am i doing ok?

4 replies

nally · 25/03/2007 12:33

advice please....

i would also like to say before i start, that dd1 is not like this all of the time. she can be the sweetest most loving thing and i adore her, however sometimes she...

...is argumentative, stubborn (she is 5), insistent, always trying to negotiate, in short will not do as she is asked, but always wants to do whatever she wants to do. she smacks, kicks, spits even (yuck), pushes and does that "nah-nah nah-nah-nah" thing when someone else is upset or being told off. she has never bitten anyone or pulled their hair. she has also started using the word 'hate' a lot. i have tried to explain how strong that word is and how it can hurt. i have said it would be better to say 'dislike' instead.

I don't smack, don't believe that it can help (like so many others here, i suffered bruises and chunks of skin being torn out of me as a child,so i know how much it can affect you), so her behaviour has not come from me. dh is the same as me, won't smack ever, so it doesn't come from him either.

if i ask her not do something she says "i will do it". if i ask her to do something, she will say "don't wanna".

the naughty step/time-out thing is crap. well is doesn't work here anyway. she won't stay on the step/outside the room but insists on just barging back in. she won't go to her room without me saying that i will take things away from her (barbie, my little pony, etc).

i simply say to her "conversation over. if you won't listen, i won't talk to you" it drives her mad. she gets upset and says "mummy pleeeease talk to me, pleeeeeease".
she apologises. we make up and have a cuddle afterwards, but it can be soooo draining. and, of course, if she is in that mood it can start all over again within minutes.

the talk talk talk thing, so far, is not working. i am hoping it is the influences of school that have changed her, as she has only been there since september, and that she will calm down when she realises she is 'herself' and doesn't need to be like everyone else.

anyone else going through this with their reception-aged child?

(ds is due to start in reception in september - aaaaaagh)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Tommy · 25/03/2007 12:43

we are going through this with DS1 who is in reception - very similar - lots of shouting, arguing etc. It is very draining and I know a lot of it comes from school. He is also tired of course which doesn't help. I also know that a lot of my friends are going through the same thing with their 5 year olds.

Obviously I have no advice but wanted you to know you're not alone!

sassy · 25/03/2007 12:44

I have a lot of this with my dd1. She is 4.6, not at school yet (Oct birthday). Argumentative, naughty, challenging, yada yada - though not physically aggressive.
Wish I had a magi solution (for me as well as you!)
What works best is rewarding her - coupled with time out.
She can win up to 3 'jewels' (those glass bubbles for in vases)per day for agreed good behaviour. When her jar is full (there are about 40 to collect) she can have the reward we have previously agreed. She is currently working towards a weekend away camping in my sister's garden (she lives anout 150mi away from us, by the sea).
Bad behaviour gets a warning, then sent to bedroom. We do NOT negotiate - if she is sent upstairs she stays there until she is calm enough to talk sensibly without shouting/interrupting. This can mean she is in her room for 15 mins (we don't need to froce her to stay in,she does this of her own accord).When she has calmed down, we willtalk it through, giving her a chnace toi explain herself if she wants to.

I was hoping it would improve when she starts school! (Naive emoticon!)

nally · 25/03/2007 12:50

Thanks. I wish the reward and time-out things worked here. The other thing is that if you do it for one you have to do it for all. When we tried the reward thing before, ds gets all the 'points', as he is generally a good boy (at the moment - am well prepared for that to change soon!) so then dd1 just gave up. tried several times - star charts, trophies, etc!!
gets very bewildering.

OP posts:
sassy · 25/03/2007 12:54

Yes, that is a problem. Star charts do not work here - too babyish apparently. It did help for dd1 to choose her own 'big girl rewards. And you HAVE to remember all the time or it all goes to pot again.

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