9 Month old Autism - Help I'm Devastated

[bacothefoil]

Hi Mummies,

My little girl is 9 months old and I am more or less convinced there's a development issue.

She has never been a social baby and while she does smile and laugh it's terribly hard work to achieve. Her eye contact is fleeting, she seeks it sometimes in relation to food but never to play and we have no back and forth interaction (waving, talking or smiles). Having spent the afternoon in the park yesterday with my friends babies it really confirmed in my opinion that there is something very different going on.

She can clap, but never does it in response to someone else clapping, just happy clapping by herself. She wont hold more than one toy but will hold a toy with two hands and is very cautious about picking up a new toy, she likes a good look it first. She has recently started giving me toys every now and again (which I love) and started babbling a week ago. She's seems behind from a gross motor standpoint, she is just beginning to commando crawl but can't get from sitting to the floor without banging her head.

She is a very quiet 'good' baby. She sleeps through 7 to 5/6ish and doesn't yell for me when she wakes up, just wriggles round a chats. She's a good eater. She doesn't tend to cry much but does have a low level grumble noise she makes a lot. I could never differentiate her cries as a baby.

In reality I'm not looking for someone to tell me she is or isn't autistic, I know that's not achievable via a web forum, and to be honest I'm tired of people just telling me everything's fine and she's a quiet baby when I'm sorry, but I know that's not the case. I would however like to feel like I'm doing something as at the moment I'm just feeling devastated.

My DH has slowly worsening epilepsy which makes getting time to myself very difficult and I don't know how we'll cope as we get older. There's no family close and I'm giving up on the idea of child 2 for fear they might have issues as well. (I appreciate I'm getting ahead of myself but my brain is on a roll). I feel like I'm in mourning for my future life, baby #2 and dreams for my little girl. Every baby group I go to, which I do for my little girls' benefit is torture for me as I'm crippled with jealousy of the other mums.

I guess I'm looking for help in finding two things:

Firstly mental health support - anyone good in Greenwich / Lewisham area as I can't go on feeling like this.

Secondly - has anyone managed to push via the NHS / privately for early therapeutic support for their little ones. I would really like some pointers on activities to improve her social skills so I can feel like I'm doing something.

Thanks mummies.

I have a long list of concerns I am afraid but mainly hand twirling and feet twirling (I asked my friends who have 6 kids in total) and they said it was odd. Did a post on mumsnet, some people said it could be stimming. His eye contact is not great, no reciprocal babbling at 9 months, delayed in his gross motor skills too. Does not imitate.

Oh and incredibly sensory seeking - always fidgeting, touching, squeezing, scratching, raking…. And obsessed with wires, books, flaps and labels. With toys he mostly turns them around and back, and repeats this quite a bit….

@Wobblyheart you are expecting way to much feom tour baby. My son wasn't doing back and forth babbling. About imitation at this stage just check if tou tap a table and your little one imitates that, this is expected at this age. About hand and feet twiling some babies do that and repetitive behaviours or stimming isnt equal to autism. Most rypical babies do repetitive behaviours. At this age babies squeeze, touch, mouth and scratch things to get to know their environment. Believe me babbies and toddlers are obsessed with wires, tabels, books, remotes etc. And he is just 9 months old so he is expected to turn toys as its not wxpected at this age to play with toys functionally. Everything you are expecting my baby wasn't doing at that age and i wasn't even expecting. About eye contact if he use eye contact for communication its a good eye contact rather than you expect him/her to look at you for ages.

Hi @Wobblyheart ! Sorry I’ve only just picked this up. I know exactly how you’re feeling and it’s a horrible place to be, so sending virtual hugs your way.
Hopefully I can offer some reassurance. My little boy has just turned 3 and is a complete delight, he doesn’t stop talking and any worrying signs are long gone. He took a while to start talking but he got there eventually, and his emotional intelligence is just incredible these days. Nursery have never had any concerns and he’s going to start pre-school in September, on track for everything. Good luck and try not to worry, they change and develop so much and I wish I’d listened to people when they’d tried to reassure me. Easier said than done I know!

@Jfb1989 , @Mas05 thank you so much for replying and for giving me a glimpse of much needed hope. I am so happy for you that your babies are doing well. This whole parenting thing is so stressful isn’t it but wonderful xx

@Wobblyheart I can totally relate as i have been through this but give your little one time and you will see he will be doing everything on his time. HUGS for you mom x don't worry and enjoy your baby xx

@Wobblyheart my girl is 12.75m and doing AMAZING. I was ssooo concerned from like 4-7m but it was PPA I realized. She really didn’t seem interactive, didn’t have great eye contact. I was a mess. But I can confidently say she is 100% not autistic and actually amazingly social now, already talks! Has like 30 words at 12m! She’s 100% on track and such a joy. Do the age appropriate ASQ and if she’s in white or grey it’s a pass. Think of it this way- the odds are on your side. It’s VERY likely your little does NOT have autism. Keep a note each month of all the things your baby is going and then update one month later so you can see all the improvements . My girl started learning soooo much between 10-12m.

@Littlesoul123 thank you so much for your response, so kind of you to do as there are so many unresolved threads and it’s great to hear how well things are going for so many of you. My son is on grey zone for communication and now in black one for gross motor (but I think we can work on the latter). I am not sure he can imitate the tapping on the floor or table. Whenever I tried to day he was more preoccupied with something else all the time.

@Littlesoul123 sigh, tried for several days, he does not imitate the tapping on the table or floor.

@bacothefoil when did she has gestures like clapping and waving bye in response???

Well this imitation is expected at 10 months so he still has time. If you band a toy on the table or floor just notuve if he does. Don't worry he will do on his time. Does he raise hand to be picked up of you do it?

Clapping is the least important gesture as it doesnt show communication. Waving and clapping isn't delayed till 18 months. I would expect a baby to clap, wave, point etc by 18 months.

@Wobblyheart how is your son doing now? I have a lot of concerns now about my son who is 9 months. The good and worrying things are below

Things he does well
Very good eye contact
Very smiley
Laughs easily
Affectionate - seems to want to climb on me if I sit on floor with him
Sitting since 7.5 months, last week managed to get to sitting from lying
Crawling
Just starting to pull up
Good fine motor skills
Lifts arms to be picked up
Babbled since 6 months gaga baba etc
Recognises his name - will look 9/10 times when called

Things I'm concerned about
No shared interest - if I hold out a toy or show him how to play with it he just grabs it and eats it
Mouths everything
Twirling/flapping arms and legs
No imitation- looks blankly at me - even basic things like if I bang the table
No waving/clapping

Hi I still have my concerns but looking at your list of positives - wow! Your baby is totally on track, mine didn't have half of what yours is doing at 9 months.

Imitation and joint attention will start develop around 12 months. The stuff in your negative list isn't yet expected. And he is advance with his name response. I think you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Just as an example i still cannot say that my 19 mo has good eye contact, smiley and laughs easily.

Hey I hope you don’t mind me messaging. I noticed you said you were worried at one point about hand flapping/ twirling and now your baby is on track. Did you also have any issues with eye contact? My baby is 9 months and does this but also I’m concerned that he doesn’t make eye contact with me actively, I have to really try and get his attention and when I’m holding him he won’t look at me at all. Further away is slightly better and he will notice when I leave and enter the room but not sure if he’s looking into eyes or anywhere else. I’m really worried would appreciate a response from you. Thank you x

@Mas05 just tagging you again incase you didn't see!

@Wobblyheart how is your baby doing now please? X

@Chzm Hi i did have issues with hos eye contact but that was improved when he was 7 months old, he also used to avoid eye contact when close but was better when I am away or whenver i enter or leave the room. It was same with everyone else also. And his hand flapping remains for quite sometime and with time it stopped.