Should I tell my five year old not to be a tattletale?

[Muninem]

Recently I went on a school trip with my daughter, who just turned five. Another kid did something silly (he was messing with his water bottle) but which didn't affect anyone else and she drew the teacher's attention to it.

Is it too early for me to suggest to her that she not be a tattletale sometimes? She's in reception and other kids act out sometimes (e.g. hitting) and obviously we want her to tell the teacher if that happens. Or do you think she'll realise for herself when she gets older?

It's very tricky because at 5 their judgement is still poor. For example, if you tell her "don't tell on someone unless they're hurting someone, damaging something or putting someone else at risk" then you're missing out all the other possible scenarios in which it might be best to tell an adult.

On the trip you mention, I suspect she was just feeling a little bit self important because her Mum was on the trip...when you're 5 that's a big thing. :)

Just wait it out till' she's a bit older.

Thanks for the advice! There's an officious streak in my family which leads me to suspect it might happen when I'm not around. But I will wait until she's older as you suggest - roughly how old, do you think?

My DD's both struggled with it until about 8 to be honest. But that doesn't mean you shouldn'd discuss it with her.

I remember reading in a children's novel a statement made by a character which was something along the lines of "There's no such thing as telling tales...that was made up by bullies"

And I do think there's some truth in that statement...and I discussed that with my DD's as a way into understanding when to tell on someone.

I find that role play helps...so when one of them had a problem at school I'd say "I'll be X and you be you...pretend I've told you that you can't play..."

Or similar...and then we'd go through various alternative scenarios and what might happen if DD said a certain thing or did a certain thing.

Helps them to understand things better.

Thanks! Really appreciate the thoughtful advice