Please help me to find a way for my child to stop!

[Allnewtothis]

Please help!
My nearly 4 year old daughter has developmental delays ( approx. 18-24 months).
Recently she has begun to start attempting to talk before but hadn't really developed any relationships with children her own age. She now has a friend and they kind of play "together" but more alongside or doing the same thing separately but together if that makes any sense. If her friend wants to stop my daughter doesn't seem to understand this and tries to stop her from going away or she pushes/ hits. Her friend is quite a sociable child and has lots of friends, they go to the same preschool and if this friend plays with another child, my child hits or tries to stop this from happening. Sometimes she hits or pushes if people come near her, or try to share with her.
She hits dog if they jump up at her and sometimes for seemingly no reason as well. Then last week she hit her friend with a stick, I have no idea why she does this, she doesn't have good enough communication to tell me either.
I ALWAYS make her apologise when she hits or does something that she shouldn't to another child but it does not stop her from doing it.

I have tried explaining that hands are not for hitting, I have tried time outs, I have tried removing her from the situations.... nothing feels like it is working, even the preschool have had issues with her there, so does her childminder, and she does it when she is with me.

I have tried asking the health visitor as well, no one seems to know how to help me to help her.

She is awaiting assessments for a lot of developmental and behavioural differences and we don't yet know the cause. We have been told that they don't believe that she understands what is going on around her, even when I explain they said they don't know how long it is retained for.

Please help me to understand what I can do to help her as I am running out of ideas!

I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I think part of the answer is that the preschool or whoever is looking after her need to keep a closer eye so that they are ready to intervene as soon as aggressive behaviour starts. They can't let other children get hurt.

As for how to discipline her, how about just calmly removing her from the situation and giving no attention, while giving attention to the hurt child? This works a bit with my 18 month old who is experimenting with hitting people, even though I am not sure he really understands he is hurting them.

Watching with interest....my three year old is the same in her interactions with other kids, I've had to cut back on seeing other children because she was hitting, pushing etc. I've also tried everything to try and manage her behaviour. Hopefully someone might have some suggestions for us both!

mine isn't that she's aggressive.... she struggles to communicate and when she gets frustrated she hits. even when we intervene all the time it doesn't stop her doing it the next time as she doesn't seem to get it :(

My daughter's language is good, it's almost like she lashes out to get the attention of other kids who aren't talking to her (eg younger kids who aren't yet talking)

She isn't aggressive either, does it in a playful way, but in a way that's harder as seems a shame to punish her. It's so hard!!!

In order not to hit a child needs 2 things:

• to understand that hitting is wrong
• the ability to control their impulses

I dont know if your dd has the first but it certainly sounds like she doesn't have the second. No ones fault, certainly not hers, just another consequence of delayed social development. In the meantime all you/nusery etc can do is to keep a very close eye on her (think helicopter parent) and be ready to intervene. That way no one gets hurt and you don't end up in a pisition of wondering whether you should punish her for something she likely can't help.