Where is your child at development wise?

[beautiebyqueenie]

Hi. I have a wonderful DSS who is 6 years old and I've had the pleasure of being his step mum for a little over a year now. I'm a fairly young SM myself and having only been in his life since just after his 5th birthday, I do struggle to know where he should be with his development. I am a full time SM and am in charge of everything as his daddy works longer hours than normal (I love doing it and makes me feel very fulfilled).

He has come A LONG way in the last year - partly due to his BM being very detrimental to his mental health while she was in his life (she no longer is at all) but i find myself getting quite frustrated as he struggles to listen (not in a naughty way, just simple things that go in one ear and out the other) and to think for himself before he does anything.

As I haven't been with him his whole life I struggle to see the progression even from birth that most would.

My question is...where were/are your kids at with development and behaviour at age 6? How independent are they? How much do they think for themselves?

Sorry for the long post. I hate getting frustrated with him and would love to know if this is just 6 year old behaviour and not him just being a lazy little monkey.

Any questions just ask. It's starting to get me down with just not knowing where he should be.

Thank you!

Anyone?

Hi -
I don't think many 6yr olds are very 'independent' but if they have mostly been set clear guidelines, that are realistic for their age and level of experience, and have two parents who love, support and appreciate them (as we were in the fortunate position to be able to do for our DS thirty years ago) then they should have a REASONABLE chance of turning out as decent people, able to make their way through life in a worthwhile way.

But if they have missed out on some of the love and security a child needs, and they don't feel valued, and their efforts and skills aren't appreciated by parents or teachers, then they can be unhappy or depressed, and that will lead to deteriorating behaviour.

I was a (male) TA in an Infant school for ten years. Besides the usual TA duties, I ran a recorder group for Yr2, and coached children on percussion for the Christmas production each year. I also did lunchtime computer activities with Yr6 at our companion Junior school.

I had not been very happy at school as a child myself, so I tried to support children I worked with in a caring, consistent way, expecting reasonable behaviour, but also allowing flexibility for children who were really UNABLE to behave or learn as well as 'normal' children.

Read to, and with, him as much as possible; encourage him in his school work, but understand he may be reluctant to take much 'formal' teaching from you.

Liaise with school, his class teachers, and any Special Needs staff that may be involved with his care. Praise good effort, but be disapproving of rude and unduly silly behaviour.

I always claim children don't really WANT to be naughty, but often outside influences or home circumstances push them into bad behaviour that they can't control.

Encourage activities that he enjoys, drawing, colouring, Lego, sport, music etc. Keep TV and 'tech' to a minimum, but use it creatively when appropriate.

It sounds like you are doing well in somewhat difficult circumstances, and if you have specific problems, PM me if you wish. But mostly, be guided by feedback from school. (Are they aware of all the circumstances? They probably need to be.)

OP, it's hard to understand from your post exactly what you think the problem might be. The only example you give is that he doesn't always listen or think about the consequences of his actions, which is very normal for a six year old! Could you be a bit more specific about what is worrying you?

Can I suggest doing some reading up on parenting techniques, have a look at the parenting section of your library and choose a few that appeal to you. You've got 5 years or so of learning to parent to catch up on, if you see what I mean.

You may also need some specialist input depending on the reasons that your step son is now in the care of his dad only, and not his mother. Do you have any social services contact? Could you speak to them about any help that might be available to you? They might be able to suggest specific courses his dad and you can go on.