Losing my mind with 27 month old.

[user1498302501]

I'm at my wits end. I'm so fed up with being a parent. I'm a SAHM of a 27 month old boy. He's extremely active but nothing we do wears him out. We do gymnastics, swimming, 2 hour trips to the park, regular play dates and playgroup. He's an awful napper and terrible eater. He barely eats anything and is so picky we can't eat out anymore or travel. I'm miserable at every meal time. He won't nap in the day (sometimes 20- 30 mins in the car) and at night even though he sleeps through it sometimes takes 2 hours to put him to bed. I hardly ever see my husband. We can't go out for date nights because my son doesn't eat or go to sleep easily. None of my friends understand because all their kids eat and sleep. You honestly have no idea how hard that is. That your kid won't even do something basic like sit down and eat toast. I feel so alone and isolated and a total failure as a mum because it's not meant to be this way. I don't want to be angry and resentful towards my child but I'm really struggling. He's been impossible to get to eat and sleep for nearly a year now. I'm just so, so tired of it all. I'm sorry to rant and whinge but everyone keeps telling me it'll get better but it just gets worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I had him assessed for developmental delays (he's speech delayed only), we've seen the GP, paediatrician, feeding specialist... He's been assessed for lip and tongue tie, sensory issues- everyone just tells me to let him decide if he wants to eat dinner or not (did this- he went to bed hungry and lost weight) and just let him cry it out to sleep which even though I'm miserable I can't do because it doesn't feel right to me. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just can't keep living like this. I'm so tired and everything is so hard. I don't want to hate being a mum. I really don't.

Hi OP, I'm not sure I'll be great at advising you but didn't want to read and run

Sorry things are so tough for you right now. I have a DD a bit younger who is very active so I know how exhausting it can be.

Just a couple of questions, are there a few foods your DS will always eat, or is he just refusing everything? Does he drink milk in the day/ at night?

He may no longer need a nap at all, some children drop them earlier than 27 months - do you find he goes to bed more/ less easily if he hasnt had his 30 min nap in the car?

Whats your bedtime routine like, is he in a cot still or his own bed?

Do you have much support e.g family nearby who can give you a break? Would it be possible for him to go to nursery a morning or two a week?

Hi. Thanks for your reply. I've tried to cut down his milk to two cups and his food is sporadic- one day he'll eat toast next day he won't so I give him something else then next time he won't eat it... He's offered a wide variety of fruit, vegetable, meat, bread, pasta, rice, cheese, yoghurt and crackers. I've been told he's just picky and to let him go hungry but that doesn't work. He just doesn't care about food 😔

I tried him a few times without a nap but he'd end up falling asleep at 5.30pm so I've had to still insist on one nap even if it's short.

As for bedtime he cosleeps with us and has the same routine every night- dinner, play time, bath, quiet time where we read to him in bed then lights out. I normally leave the room at lights out because if I stay my son pulls my hair, kicks me, messes with my eyelashes, pinches my arm... It's too frustrating and doesn't lead to sleep.

I don't really have any support. My husband works very long hours. The only other person is my mum but he won't eat or nap for her plus she's in her 70's and cares for my dad who is quite unwell so I don't want to burden her. I don't have anybody else.

We can't really afford daycare. It's $130-$150 a day in Australia. We have 'occasional care' but it's in high demand and I haven't found one that can take him 😕 The best I can do is playgroup for a few hours in a safe environment but I still need to watch him and intervene if he's in danger or has a problem with an older child obviously.

I don't really mind the day to day care but the no eating and having so much trouble putting him to bed always over a year has just really, really worn me down and I can't but think how much better and more enjoyable our relationship would be if I could just make him spaghetti or pancakes or mac and cheese or schnitzel or whatever and he'd just sit down and eat it. Instead he just declares everything is "ucky" and won't even try it... (He previously ate these foods up until about 4 months ago- his diet has always been limited though he's offered everything).

Has your DS been assessed for Autism?

The strategies that generally work with neurotypical children, putting the food out and leaving them to it, etc, can be dangerous for children with ASDs because they don't always process the feeling of being hungry or thirsty. This can mean that they don't have the natural drive to eat or drink that other children have.

I know he has had some assessments but I think I would go back and ask for a referral for a neurodevelopmental assessment. His behaviour around food and his sleep issues, alongside possible social difficulties, seem like good enough reason to me.

I'm also in Australia, I understand the daycare is expensive - I work so I get the rebate but it's still a lot of money and it pretty much sucks up my salary!

I would agree with Goldmandra that you should ask for some more specialist support. It is annoying when people say toddlers will eat when they're hungry because in a lot of cases that just isn't true. My mum actually had very similar problems to you with my brother - he just wouldn't eat. She was still breastfeeding him because she was stuck in a catch 22 where she didn't want to give up feeding in case that meant he had no calories at all. If your DS is only having 2 cups of milk a day though it isn't like you might be filling him up on that (that's why I asked). Have you had him weighed and measured recently? If he is dropping weight or not growing then the doctor is going to have to take notice of this - what did the feeding specialist day?

With bedtime, have you thought about transitioning him to his own bed? I know that will be hard work but if bed time is already difficult you don't have much to lose and you may find he sleeps better in his own space?

Sorry I can't be more helpful, it sounds like you're doing all the right things in a difficult situation.

Whereabouts in Aus are you? If you're in WA I had a lot of help with sleep issues from an organisation called Ngala. They give free advice over the phone but also have a sleep clinic that might help you.