Please advise!! Losing my mind!!!!

[MummaThree]

I had a 5 year old DS and a 3 year old DD! They fight like cat and dog!!
My DS is always moaning about something, like proper whining!! And my DD just has temper tantrums!!
I'm at the end of my tether! They don't listen to me at all!! I ask them to do/not to do something and they don't listen until I end up shouting. I feel like all I'm doing is constantly shouting at my DC!
I do love them very much but I'm so so so stressed out. I'm with them 24/7! My DP works FT so he's not around as much as I am.
I just don't know what to do anymore!! It's getting me so down, I'm emotional and irritated and I'm drained!
I've tried things like naughty step, they don't work. Please can someone help me??

Anyone???

How much attention do they get from you when they are behaving nicely compared to when they are not?

I try and praise the good behaviour, for example the times where they do play nicely I say "you two are playing so nicely" and let them know how happy I am to see them like that. Sometimes they come in the room where I am together and my DD will say "mummy we're sharing" so again I'll praise them. Same as when they do something good I always make sure I praise them for it

The fact that your DD is looking for your attention when she's doing something good is really helpful. This is something you can build on.

You need to be careful not to take advantage of the time it's going well. It's very easy to think "It's all quiet so I'm going to take a well earned break or I'll just get the washing-up done" That's the wrong way to think of it. When they are playing well and being helpful is the time you need to make a point of stopping what you're doing and rewarding them with your attention.

Also, drip feed praise literally all day. Every tiny thing they do gets a mention. "DD, I like the way you moved up to make room for your brother." "DS, thank you for picking up your jacket." Even if they are doing things you think they should do automatically, acknowledge them.

Instead of asking them not to do something, ask them to do something else, e.g. instead of "Stop jumping on the sofa" say "DD, I need someone to wash these dirty potatoes for me. DS, how many do you think we will need?"

Try not to use sanctions. Use natural consequences instead and commiserate with them that they have happened. E.g. "I'm sorry, DS, we can't go to the park today because you ran off yesterday and wouldn't come back when I called you. It's a shame because I was looking forward to it too. I'll take you again when I think you're old enough to come back when I call."

Fab advice, thank you!! Will take it all on board 😊