I just can't cope!

[Decsbetterhalf]

With my 3.5 year old.

Full lone parent (my choice, no sympathy required)

He ARGUES with everything and anything.

We go out for a lovely morning, £30 spent and he cries, whinges & moans the entire time.

In public I just can't cope, he shouts at me, hits me, rude to me, vile, fucking vile to me all the fucking time. We end up leaving wherever we are immediately because he doesn't respond to any kind of consequence.

What am I doing wrong???? Help I can't go on so miserable like this, I'm crying yet again after a morning of shit.

I dread the day with him and look forward to going to work.

What have I done, my life is shit, shit, shit and right now I don't know what to do, I really don't. How can a child be so horrible.

It's me isn't it? I've done this! I've created it.

Oh gosh poor poor you. Didn't want to leave this post as it sounds like you are really doing through a difficult time. I ant advise, as DS1 is only 2.5, but all I would say is that I really struggle with him too. Please try not to blame yourself. Children are individuals and also go through phases. Maybe your son will be prime minister one day. His behaviour will evolve and changes. I have to tell myself this... In the meantime, try to find ways of getting a break/rest. Work may be a good option-am on maternity leave at the moment and miss it! Try to spend time with people who love you and can remind you of all your strengths, and who you really are when you're not having to manage a finely tuned and challenging little human every day. Know that you're not alone and you have people
cheerIng you on. Things will get better.

I think you are being too hard on yourself. I also find things tough at times and my kids can be hard work but maybe you should simplify trips out. Don't spend £30 on entertainment. Go to the park, for a walk etc. If your ds has a tantrum, at least you haven't spent any money! Warn him before you go out that if he hits you then you will go home. If he shouts/moans tell him you can't understand him unless he asks you properly. Explain that you won't be going to cafe etc at the park until he shows you he can behave nicely in public. My dc love the supermarket but know that if they tantrum they will be picked up (shopping left) and taken home and then won't get to go on the next shopping trip with me. Remind him of what's going to happen before you get there.
It's not you...everyone finds it hard at times and this really is just a phase.

I can sympathise, poor you, it's tough. Both my kids are/were fairly easy kids who turned into little shits around the 3.5 mark, I think it's a battle for independence v frustration at not quite having the ability and skills needed to be independent. It gradually settled by about 4 as I started to see them as children rather than toddlers and give them a bit more rein.
Things like, letting them run on ahead of me a bit if they can prove they're sensible (and it's safe!) letting them choose their own clothes and take more responsibility for self care. Sitting back a bit more on days out, letting them explore, problem solve and make friends rather than trying to do everything with them. Long term these did help.
Short term though, no magic tricks, sorry. Just the golden rules. If you threaten it, give one warning then follow through. Don't nag, if you ask them to do something once and they ignore you then make absolutely sure they're listening and understand before you say it again. Otherwise they get used to ignoring you.
Oh and if my kids are aggressive or nasty to me I explain calmly that I don't deserve to be treated badly and I don't spend time with people who treat me badly, then I go off to another room with a book until they apologise.
Don't know if that helps. Sending though because it's exhausting isn't it?

Thank you, I am just finding it so hard at the moment. It's draining beyond belief.