How can I get ds1 to lighten up a bit?

[TooTicky]

He gets terribly angry about things, lashes out, can't take light-hearted teasing... and of course if people know this they just wind him up all the more.
He gets extremely cross about homework and generally takes it out on me as I'm the one who has to encourage him.
And when I'm feeling really bad and clenching my teeth, he says, "Please smile Mum".
!!!!!

Mmmm, sounds very much like my eight year old. How old is your son?

He'll be 8 in May.

Mine to (8) quite level tempered most of the time - but when he goes he goes! and if it is due to other children taking the mick - they will obviously do it even more. I have explained this too him but he struggles to control his emotions. He gets upset over homework too. Especally if he can't grasp something.

My ds1 just resents having to do homework at all. If it's something he's struggling with as well then it's even worse.

My son has always had a temper, but I think now that he's 8 it seems more unreasonable. A 2 year old shouting "No!" and trowing his shoes across the floor is one thing. The same child doing the same thing with his home work book sox yeats later is another.Although, I suspect a lot of boys behave like tis behind closed doors, and their parents just don't tell you (this is what I tell myself anyway) Luckily my son doesn't get teased very much as he's the oldest child in our family.Some neighbours the same age have teased him though, and he always gets really angry and upset.

I wonder if yoga would help - or if he would see the suggestion as an affront to his dignity. He's very easily offended. But horribly rude to his family

I think yoga is briilant for kids. My son has done it at nursery and school, and is really good at it as he's really supple.My son enjoyed it ( alothough a few boys in his y2 class didn't and messed around)I haven't been able to pusuade him to go outside of school though (he's quite shy).
Horribly rude to his family? Oh yes, that sounds very familiar, but only to us at home. He would never dream of being impolite to grandparents etc., or at school. I don't think I'm being much help here.

Maybe boys find it hard to understand how others are feeling, while being all too aware of how they feel themselves

You must have very enlightened nurseries and schools near you! Not a whiff of organised children's yoga around here
You could be right about the feelings. Ds1 is suddenly and touchingly sensitive at times, but in between he can be horribly the opposite. I wish I could get him to be a little more considerate.

Do the school offer anything? At DS' school, they have a 'Keep Cool' club which is all about anger management. Sounds scary, but the kids think it's so fantastic, they all want to do it, temper issues or not! And it has really helped DS when he needed it (in Year 3).

Also, at 8 I think boys are getting a surge of testosterone which may cause a few hiccups. He might calm down naturally?

The Keep Cool club sounds fantastic - perhaps I'll mention it to the headmaster.
Testosterone is problematical, isn't it? Although ds1 is rather chuffed about the new hairiness on his legs.

at hairiness of legs. (Wish I felt the same grin at the state of my legs, but that's a whole different thread I feel....)

How about starting him at beavers/cubs? They get plenty of time to use up their testosterone surges through very physical play,but also do lots of making and talking about being friendly, helpful, caring etc. My nearly 8 year old has calmed down alot since going to cubs and whenever he starts to go wild/aggressive, I just have to mention his cub leader's name and he calms down.

He does go to Beavers, but it's only just over an hour once a week. He will be changing to Cubs soon though - perhaps that will help.
Really, I suppose children (not just boys) need more freedom - you know, being able to just go out and run and climb and play in nice open spaces, without the risk of traffic/abduction, etc. It would make a huge difference - a release for all that pent up energy (even good energy causes problems if there's nowhere for it to go).
I do wish he'd be nicer to dd1 and ds2 though (no worries about dd2 - he adores her).

I think you are right Ticky. I don't think our kids get enough unstructured time without adults to learn how to get along with their peers. Also not enough time to be left just to think!
I remember hours spent sitting up a tree on my own and with others in an overgrown garden of a derelict house near where we lived. These days there'd be all kinds of concerns about leaving children on their own somewhere like that or it would have been made into a block of flats or a car park. We had a great time just playing aimlessly and unsupervised.

Also, on-tap easy entertainment in the form of television/computer doesn't help, I think.

I know, and how easy is it when they are getting wound up just to say 'ooh why don't we see what's on CBBC?'. Guarantees at least half an hour calm time!!!