9 year old having midnight tantrums

[tigersbuddy]

I'm at my witts end. she wont go to sleep without me.......when she drops off I have to lay with her usually in my bed as hers won't take both of us.......then I transfer her back into her bed.
she will wake in the night to use the loo and refuses to settle herself back to sleep. it's 1.45am and she's just had a tantrum because she's awake and can't/won't go to sleep alone.....stamping her feet.......banging on walls......kicking her brothers bed- she has woken everyone in our house and I dare say the adjoining ones too.
every time I try and leave her room the tantrum starts again. I've been sat here for 45 mins........silently crying. I'm desperate to go to sleep and she won't allow me to. I've just started a new job.......reduced hours and a massive cut in pay so that I can be around more for the kids and I can barely concentrate when I'm there because I'm not getting enough sleep.
she lays there almost willing herself to stay awake so she can prove a point and go "see mummy I told you I couldn't go to sleep"

I can't do it any more. it's destroying my relationship with her.......with my boyfriend. it's taken away any possibility of having more kids because I quite clearly can't manage the ones ive got. I just feel like I'm being punished.

That must be exhausting, huge tantrums are bad enough during day time let alone in the middle of the night 😳 Is she scared to be on her own at night? Has she always been like this about sleeping? My dd had huge anxiety about sleeping on her own for over a year, we ended up letting her sleep in with us or dh go into the spare room while she came in with me, because we were all so exhausted and stressed, but she was 4 and touch wood she seems to have got over that phase at almost 6 and is back in her own bed.

She became aware of what other children at school did, other girls talking about their princess beds or seeing their rooms on play dates and realising other children loved their rooms rather than feared being in them alone, someone said she was a baby for coming into our bed and she really didn't like that!

She kept on asking for a certain toy she'd seen and where reward charts and small treats had failed to encourage her, saying she could have this toy if she could sleep in her own bed again for 3 nights worked, she was so fixated on having it!

I'm not sure if it's the same in other areas but where we live we have a team of school nurses, it's a self referral thing or your GP can do it and they meet with you and can offer advice and help with sleep issues, behaviour, bowel and bladder issues and health issues, might be worth trying them for some advice if you have them in your area?

My 9 year old sometimes can't settle herself in the night. The only thing that works is for me to get in bed with her. She will then wrap herself around me and go straight off. Sometimes she will shuffle around for a bit though, say I'm keeping her awake and ask me to leave then go straight off. Not sure why she does it but with her, it's definitely the physical contact and reassurance she needs.

She hasn't done it for a month and each time she does it, the gap seems to get longer so I'm hoping she's growing out of it.