DS (2.8) lashing out at nursery

[Popskipiekin]

DS1 (2.8) has been to full time nursery since he was 11 months. All going well enough, but his behaviour is getting worse and worse. I dread picking him up as I'm always greeted with a long face from one of the members of staff and "so [DS] didn't have a very good day today". He hurt several children today (hitting/scratching) and tried to hit his lovely keyworker. Generally he hits at least one child most days. There's always a "reason" (generally a fight over toys or sometimes personal space issues - DS often doesn't like other children touching him). I'm being made to feel that DS is particularly bad and much worse than the other children.

I talk very seriously to DS - who can tell me exactly what happened ("I hurt lots of people today. It's not nice") and as much as I can I try to let him see the consequence of his actions (removal of privileges - e.g. no tv after bathtime, which we normally have whilst I feed DS2, and I remind him why he's not getting this and that unkind boys who hurt other people don't get to watch tv, but it seems very disconnected even to me - I'm sure he's not getting it!).

Any ideas as to what I can do? I do know this is all learning about communication stage and to be expected but it's the faces of the staff I struggle with and the implication it's all my fault and DS1 should not be doing this...

If the nursery staff are trained properly then they should know that it certainly isn't your fault and I think that they should be dealing with the bad behaviour as it happens. He is just being a normal 2-3 year old and he can't really express feelings and emotions properly. I don't think stopping TV is going to help, he won't understand the connection at that age punishment has to be instant.

I think he is getting to the age where full time nursery is getting too much for him is there any way you can reduce it to just mornings or similar assuming you are on maternity with baby number 2?

It does get better honest

Bejeena thanks for the reply. I didn't want to complicate my OP but he will be starting 3 (short) days a week at a preschool in September when I go back to work (getting a nanny for DS2 and to do wrap around). It is a good thought that maybe I should reduce DS1's hours at the current place. I didn't want to interrupt his routine and he eats so much better there and has a more varied day than he would have with me and the baby, though you may well be right that it's getting too much for him... He isn't "full" full time at least as he has a later drop and earlier pickup now I'm on mat leave but still, interesting suggestion.

I did think it was fairly typical 2-3 behaviour but thank you for confirming - I'm made to feel such a bad parent, like he's acting criminally, when I pick him up!

You're right of course - the removal of tv at a later stage is such a poor consequence. We will stop doing it.
Glad to hear it gets better! He's so sweet at home, we don't see this side of him ever. It's like the Jekyll & Hyde toddler...

I know this is an old thread but I could literally write this myself right now.
Did things improve when the hours or nursery setting changed?