Table manners

[Anotheroneofthese]

Hello, I would like to get a better perspective on what's expected of a 5.5 year old in terms of table manners. My son can use a knife and fork but is in no way skilled. However, he more often than not reverts to using his fingers. He also often eats quickly. I keep reminding him and he is getting better.

At what age would you expect a child to be adept at eating with cutlery and being "mature" at a dinner table?

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I think the definition of "mature" is too loaded to be able to tell, the difference in expectations among families is such I don't think anyone else should be able to respond. At 5 DD could use a knife very well, could avoid any use of hands, and rarely drop stuff. However, we don't have any such rigorous enforcement so she often uses her hand for speed /ease / convenience (eating peas / black or kidney beans / corn etc.), she did/does avoid her fingers on formal occasions (she's now 6), so knows the difference it seems, almost certainly dropping more bits.

But basically it really does depend on your own family etiquette requirements, the "often eats quickly" would be a positive here for example.

Thanks Sirfred. Instead of mature, I should have asked "what us expected of a 5.5 year old". I agree family expectations will vary but in terms of what is expected on a societal level, I would have thought that is perhaps an "on average" expectation.

OP, your son sounds like mine. He's 7yo now, but when he was 5yo I found myself saying "knife and fork, not fingers" at almost every mealtime. It drove me mad! I can't remember exactly when he got the hang of it and started using his cutlery by default. Maybe around 6yo?

His handwriting isn't great for his age either, so I think he struggles a bit generally with fine motor skills. But his gross motor skills are good - he's very sporty, with good hand-eye coordination. And he's a bright boy who is doing very well at school with reading and maths.

Also on the positive side, he's a great eater who usually clears his plate and always eats his vegetables. I know several very fussy kids, so I think that is a huge plus.

So to me, your son sounds completely normal!

Thanks Dark. That is very reassuring. My son is bright and sporty too. I only became concerned when I overheard a comment from a friend's husband implying that my son has poor table manners. I thought I might be out of touch with reality and that by his age he should be adept at using a knife and fork.

at that age - I would expect they could sit with us at the table for the whoel meal (but not for adults sitting and chatting for ages afterwards)

they can use a fork/spoon, but not yet good with a knife (but trying) revert to fingers pretty normal, depends how strict you want to be, I used to gentle reminder, but wasn't that bothered.

to me table manners are more about the social side of eating, so sitting together, talking together. I would expect please and thank you etc.

Thanks. He does seats throughout meals and does the please and thank yous. He isn't the cleanest or neatest of eaters (eg, mouth covered with sauce, fingers sticky from touching his food) but he is not too bad.

Thanks for the helpful response. Sometimes it is hard to judge what is considered 'normal' in terms of expectations about what is expected of an average child.