Meal time battles

[sassy71]

Hi, can anyone offer any advice on dealing with an attention seeking 3 year old? We have a new 3 month old baby and as a result the 3 year old ds is pushing every button he can in protest. I have dealt with most of the tactics calmly but the eating, or should I say 'not eating' one is really pushing me over the edge! He isn't the best of eaters anyway and won't even entertain anything resembling a vegetable on his plate. But now he won't eat hardly any food put in front of him, even his favourites. He plays up at the table and won't sit on his chair etc etc... Every day I think I'm going to stay calm and not lose my temper with him but every day I end up worrying that he's not eating enough and as a result I can't help but get angry with him! Am at my wits end with what to do and how to stay calm???

I think at 3 he's old enough for you to completely ignore whether he eats or not and if he doesn't, just say OK, chuck his food away and he gets nothing else until breakfast.

(can you tell we've got a VERY fussy eater in our house?!). ds1, who's 5, has always always been incredibly difficult at meal times - particularly tea times. The only thing that stopped us going bonkers was just to stop stressing about it and we usually say he's got until we've finished our tea and then it gets chucked away. We even now don't insist that he (or his brother who's 2 and it works for him as well) come to the tea table - if they want tea they can come and eat it at the table with us. If they don't want to eat, or start making a fuss, they don't have to sit at the table but they get nothing else until breakfast. Don't shout, don't insist, and stick to chucking it in the bin once you've finished your meal.

He'll probably have a hissy fit the first few times but it doesn't take long if you stick to it for them to realise you mean business! It's really worked for ds1 - and now ds2 is brilliant because he's seen it in action!!

End of harsh-Mummy lecture!

Dottydot's idea sounds perfect. When my DS went a bit weird re food for a while that I just put a plate in front of him and a plate in front of me and chatted about this and that but made no mention of the food or whether he was eating or not he eventually suddenly just started eating normally again. I cant remember how long it took and it was hard because like you i worried that he wasn't getting anything inside him but he survived his little fasting period okay.
Good luck.

I'm harsh too I'm afraid. Lo of 2.4 - been self feeding since 18 mths. If she refuses to eat that's fine. Has to stay at table till we're finished - desert and all - and then can get down but has NOTHING but water till next meal time. No stress, no anger - it's very simple. btw Shes's def not underfed - at 2 year check few weeks back was great height and weight

another vote for dotty's approach. Remove attention from this matter entirely, don't even insist that he comes to the table; just so long as he gets due warning that if he doesn't eat what's on there that's it till the next meal (tho I would give an apple or satsuma for a snack mid-way myself, if desperate)

I also think playfulness can help, once things are a little better and your ds is sitting at the table again...to distract his attention really....ds loved it when I used to say his spaghetti was worms, and I used to pretend to be shocked that he was eating them! Just goofy things like that can help to lighten the mood and take away any vestiges of the pwer struggle.

Good luck!

OOOh, this is an interesting thread. DD 3 is like this now too, she used to be such a good eater. The only meal she eats without much fuss is lunch. Tea time is a battle. I have tried the egg timer, reward charts and everything. Think i will try Dotty's approach from now on. Maybe my problem is lack of consistency and a tendency to get stressed and shout!! I also have a rising 5 and a 17mth old, so teatime is stressful. I always eat with the kids, so i usually dont know who to sort out first. Will try from tonight.
THanks!!

Thanks everyone for your advice. I know I have to stop stressing, and I will try Dottydot's suggestion tonight and over the next week or so! I am about to start weaning the other ds so want him to get the message from the start. Wish me luck!

Interesting this because I too have a 3 yr and a 3 month old. Have to say his behaviour re mealtimes hasn't changed but if ds refuses to come to the table to eat the main meal (generally at midday) I'll keep asking him nicely whilst I eat and then clear it away. He doesn't get anything else 'til mid afternoon. (Usually end up having to take him out though becuase his endless begging'll grate.) At teatime I'm easier going about him eating a "picnic" tea in front of the tv, but I clear away what isn't finished at 5:30 when I start bathing ds2. If he tells me he's hungry he gets milk and that's it and he knows it. Still a big issue as to whether he'll actually eat what I serve up though.