19 week old will not let anyone near her

[Lucymummy123]

Hi mummies,
I have a 19 week old lg she's ebf and a happy and healthy child... she's absolutely perfect until someone other than me or daddy holds her, she sometimes even cries when people talk to her... when I say cry I mean she screams like she's scared every time she sits on someone's knee. She's fine with daddy if I feed her she will happily sit and play with him and then go to sleep while I have a bath etc it's just getting me down a little as I feel like none of our family have bonded with her because they feel like she doesn't like them... it's getting awkward every time we go round to her grandparents house or if they come to us and she will not tolerate them going near her... it's also becoming a massive worry as I'm due back in work in sept/oct this year and I'm relying on grandparents for childcare. PLEASE HELP

Hi there my little girl is about the same age. She's great with my mum who she sees frequently (usually twice a week) and happy with most other people provided they sit back and watch first then slowly build up interaction prior to coming near her to hold her. She's also best if she's handled by other people in a similar way to what I do with her. On the other hand there are various situations she's got grumpy with people if they've moved to quick for her, e.g. expecting a cuddle straight away, and she also struggles if they have a different social style to me (I'm fairly laid back and quiet, she struggles with stressed and loud). The other thing she struggles with is too many people at a time and being pass the parcelled around them. In your shoes I'd start where she's comfortable and gradually build from there, e.g. One grandparent for a short visit where they sit back to start with, then talk to her, then go for a cuddle once she smiles

Thank you! I've been trying to make people hold back a little bit then handing her over slowly once she shows some smiles or interaction with them but the minute she sits down on someone else even if I'm inches away she goes crazy... don't know wether I should be taking her off them or leaving her to get used to them it's a really difficult situation

Honestly, it's normal for some babies and there's not a lot you can do, it just sort of passes! You can ask people to hang back, I think sometimes it's instinct for people to rush to see baby! Also I think I've read that you can talk to someone else whilst holding baby. When baby is comfortable with the other person speaking to them, you can let them hold her whilst you're still present. When she's comfortable with that you can try walking away.

My DS went through this! It did pass eventually as he developed and recognised that they were around a lot!

With the leave or reclaim dilemma I take DD back any time she's upset on someone else, partly so she doesn't develop an association with going to others = scary, partly as I'm likely to calm her down faster than whoever else she's with, partly as I want her to learn she's safe in that I'll always notice and respond to her cues. Also on the note of it being normal, in baby massage class we were told that babies start recognising their parent as distinct from other caring adults at 4 months and being much fussier about being handed round as a result.