my 9 week old cries constantly :(

[ashleexex]

my 9 week old son, who is bottle fed spends the majority of the day crying.
I now spend all my time distracting him so he doesn't cry or trying to soothe him when he's already crying I don't know what to do! I can't get anything done and it seems he's only calm when I'm holding him on my chest and he's looking over my shoulder while standing up, god forbid i sit down!:( but lately even that doesn't soothe him.

He does suck his fist a lot asif he's hungry but he's not so I have tried teething gel which hasn't really changed anything.
The only time he soothes now is when we take him in the car but I can't spend all my time in there :( I feel like I'm failing and it makes me so upset seeing how unsettled he is and I don't seem to be helping him.

First off remind yourself this is temporary! Second, could he be in pain I.e tummy ache? Maybe his formula (assuming formula in bottle may be wrong) needs changing? I say that because you indicated he is more comfortable upright. Instead of the car perhaps a walk in the buggy? You're absolutely not failing! These are tough times! If you need to get things done have you tried a sling so he's still close to you but you have an arm or two free? It will get easier especially if you can get to the root of the problem but it's nothing you're doing wrong, you're doing great and hopefully others will come along with suggestions.

I think he does sometimes have tummy ache especially lately as he's not always bringing his wind up enough. he'll only stay led down if he's fallen into a deep sleep on my shoulders and I manage to put him down and even then unless it's at night he stays led down asleep for max 10 minutes. Whereas if his sat up he will stay asleep for 50!

I will try a sling hopefully that'll atleast give me some freedom to get some housework done and less strain on my back

He has Reflux, so he's been so much better as I've changed his milk to a thicker one so he's not throwing up and very rarely gets the hiccups now.
I'm hoping it gets easier as I'm worried I'm going to spoil him and he'll get worse in the future :(

Thank you for your reply xx

Definitely get a sling. I'd recommend you invest in a good one (ideally find your local sling library or go to a shop where you can try them on) which is comfortable and doesn't put all the weight on your shoulders.

My DS cried a lot as a newborn, and I found things became immeasurably better once I realised how much help he needed to sleep enough during the day - in his case, that meant popping him in the sling whenever he got grizzly, and going for a walk till he settled. Then keeping him in the sling until he woke.

I've got a outdoor carrier that puts him facing me on my chest/stomach - but he doesn't seem to settle in it when he's grizzly. is a sling different?

Does he stay grizzly even if you go for a walk? The sling wasn't necessarily an instant fix for my DS, but the combination of being close to me + movement tended to send him to sleep (with a bit of persistence!) which was usually what he needed if he was unhappy.

He'll only settle if he's in his car seat when we go for a walk. He hates the carry cot part. He'll only stay in that if he's already asleep when we put him in it. I feel terrible.

Just a thought and I understand if you don't want to go down this road, but has he got a dummy? I found it a lifesaver for mine, my second dd was incredibly fussy and would only accept the tommee Tippee cherry ones which did me a favour at around £1 a pack! It is a hard time and it will get better, you are not failing it's all trial and error this parenting lark and one day, you'll be on here offering advice to another as you'll have learnt along the way as we all do and continue to do.

If you are concerned keep going back to the doctor until they listen. I've had so many trips to the doctors as my 6 week old screams all day as if she's in pain. Have been told so many different things as to what could be wrong. Finally saw an amazing doctor today who has put her on different milk as she suspected a cows milk allergy and she is now the most settled she's ever been. Please don't let them fob you off.

I've just come out of this phase recently. My DS2 is now 11 weeks but around about 8 or 9 weeks he was continually crying. It gave me a constant headache and no amount of soothing him helped. He was difficult to nap and yet didn't want to be awake. Very frustrating but keep telling yourself it will be over soon. One day my DS2 just enjoyed his play gym and swing seat. Been fine ever since!

Hi OP! My DS1 was the same. It is very very very hard and I'm sending u a big hug of sympathy. However, u will get through it. I remember those days so well. U r not a bad mum. Some little ones r just more high maintenance than others! My DS1 cried all the time, also had reflux. I used to get so upset thinking it was me. I would try everything - hugs, sleep, nappy change, food, everything! But nothing seemed to stop him crying! However, he did stop crying when we went out. I know that's a bit exhausting, but might b worth a try. DS1 cried morning til night unless out of the house lapping up new stimuli! At age 5, my DS doesn't cry constantly anymore (it really does get better!!) and is an amazing little boy, but is still v vocal and talks non stop! I think some people r just more vocal and always will be! He's replaced tears with talking!! He also still needs to be constantly stimulated by being out of the house! As a family we have all just got used to it! (It doesn't help that my mother tells us We need more 'stay at home days' - she doesn't realise he'd climb the walls!) He's very active (swimming, cycling, soft play etc). DS2 has been nothing like this! He slept in the day as baby, rarely cried, was easily settled with a quick cuddle, and now age 3 would happily stay at home all day playing independently with his toys! They really r all different and your little ones behaviour is not your fault. Try to get through it, it really really will get better! Take him out as much as u can, and nurture his vibrancy! Hang in there - before u know it he will be a wonderful 5 yr old! And you'll miss his cute babyness!

Ps. Agree with the dummy idea from Phoenix! This made a massive difference to DS1! Definitely try that if u haven't already (DS1 loved his dummy!!!! It had no affect on speech or teeth, as we had thought / worried, it might! Like I said, he talks non stop! His speech is very good and he has great teeth!)

All your comments have given me hope it gets better! Thank you so much. I just need to keep reminding myself how it will get better but also not to wish the baby years away. When he's not crying he is he's such an amazing little boy with his gummy smiles and little chuckle. I need to focus on them moments.

I've tried the Avent dummies but he doesn't care for them at all unless I hold it in his mouth for a little while and he realises there is a different teat in his mouth and then he'll suckle aggressively for about 5 minutes or so. It does seem to soothe him once he realises what it is but the first instinct he does he's not interested unless it has milk coming out the end. Are there different types of teats I could try because when he does suckle it it is a life saver but I can't just put it in his mouth he has none of it.

I am out half the time either it is in his pram or in the car but when it's raining and I have no access to the car that's when I pull my hair out and walk round the house with the pram all day which if it works I don't mind but it's exhausting.
I'm hoping it's a phase that passes soon so I can enjoy his babyness for a little longer

I've taken about three weeks to get my DS2 on to a dummy and I'm finally there! He will only take it if he really needs it, otherwise he will spit it right back out but it helps with the crying. We use the MAM dummies and they are great - worth a try for you maybe! They also sterilise in their own box in the microwave. Very handy.

I might have to just be patient and not give up when he spits it out because he does want it but takes him forever to realise what it is!

Like a previous poster said, my baby would only accept Tommy Tippee cherry soothers - the teat is a different shape to standard dummies. Every other dummy he just spat straight out. Life saver for us.

You're doing really well. Hang in there and remember this phase will pass quickly.