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I don't think I have any rules!!

6 replies

lalalala578 · 06/06/2017 14:25

My kids seem to treat me as a "friend" and not a close one at that.

I don't seem to be able to control my kids.

Please advise me. I really feel like I'm going crazy x

OP posts:
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AssassinatedBeauty · 06/06/2017 19:02

How old are they? How many children do you have? Is it just you at home?

Do you have any boundaries at the moment, and what happens if the children cross those boundaries? Do you do any sort of punishment or consequence?

lalalala578 · 07/06/2017 08:13

Hi they are 5 and 7. I have a husband but he works away 4 months then he's home for 2 weeks so he isn't much use x

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 07/06/2017 16:55

I would suggest getting some books about behaviour management (from your library maybe so you don't have to spend £££), and have a read of a few. Find one that suits your style and try to consistently implement the strategies. I like "Toddler Calm" and "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen...", but there are lots of others.

Or you could look for parenting courses - there are often ones run via your local family centre. They can be very helpful and give you a chance to talk to other parents.

The basic thing though is to have an idea of what your boundaries are, and what you'll do if the children push those boundaries. Then stick to what you've decided and be consistent. Alongside that you should be recognising when your children do behave well and let them know that/praise them.

lalalala578 · 08/06/2017 09:33

For example if one kid hurt the other what would you do?

If they left their dinner?

I'd been doing one of those hardest jigsaws in the world and finally got all the edges done and dd7 took it all apart. Now that's not something you do in anger that would take time. I was in the same room as her and didn't hear or see and she was good until then so didn't do it to get back at me.

OP posts:
corythatwas · 08/06/2017 10:04

Here is what I would do:

a) if one child hurt another:

ascertain if the hurting was deliberate or the accidental part of also unacceptable behaviour

in either case, go straight into the deep parental voice, separate them, explain that hurting someone is absolutely unacceptable

if it was deliberate, then first of all I would make the guilty party apologise and then I would probably apply a standard punishment according to age: 15 minutes to your room or confiscating of tablet for a small child, grounding for up to a week for a teenager

it doesn't matter so much what you do as long as your own body language and voice tells them that you intend to stop any fighting in your house and that you can stop it

repeated action I would come down on a lot stronger, with grounding even younger children

b) if they left their dinner:

at this age, I would make them sit at the table until everybody had finished, out of politeness to their fellow diners, but I would absolutely not force them to eat up; nobody should be forced to eat something they don't want

otoh I would make it clear that there won't be another meal materialising when they decide they feel hungry- next meal will be served usual time and I am not running a restaurant

but I would try to do all this cheerfully and non-judgmentally- not being hungry is not a misdemeanour

c) the jigsaw:

The previous two were quite easy because the first was obviously naughty and the second obviously not.

this one is the tricky one because it could have been done in a deliberately hurtful way to upset you

or it could have been done in all innocence because that is what you do do with a jigsaw, take it apart so it can be put together again

or it could have been done thoughtlessly

What I would do her is ask her, then have a chat and explain that actually it did upset you because you wanted to admire your handiwork, and for the future suggest a family rule whereby the person who does a jigsaw is the one who takes it apart (be prepared

corythatwas · 08/06/2017 10:05

posted too soon:

be prepared to have to stick to that rule even if it is her jigsaw and you want to tidy up

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