Crying/whining over slightest tussle with friends, constant and driving me mad!!

[mansfield]

My dd aged 3.5 is like a little jekyll and hyde. Sweet, loving and gorgeous but when shes with her friends of same age the slightest tussle or little barny and she just cries and whines, this can happen every fifteen minutes and its bloody knackering (for me!) Instead of just getting over it and moving on which they seem to do she instantly bursts into tears and takes ages to stop. I've tried taking her out of the situation, e.g. to another room and saying "when you've stopped the tears we can go back" but it seems to be going on and on. Shes usually very strong willed and independent but it seems when faced with a bit of confrontation her way is just to whine and cry. Its got to the stage where I think: sod it, well just stay at home its too stressful. Any advice needed please

Just symapthies from me I'm afraid. Ds1 is exactly the same (3.11). He finds it so difficult to share and accept that others can win/run faster/be first. He regularly drops to the floor in tears and it's all I can do to avert a full-on strop. He's a VERY strong-willed little boy, outgoing, funny, eager to please etc., but he just gets over excited whenhe's around friends that it just spils over into utter rustration and such intense anger.
I'm trying to go the other way and instead of avoiding these situations, I'm actively trying to arrange lots of playdates etc. hoping that familiarity with these situations will help.
Before he started nursery he was at private nursery 3 days a week so it's not as if he wasn't 'socialised' with other children, but I didn't do a great deal of the 'playdate' stuff then mainly because I wanted to spend the most time possible with him I suppose.
I think the bottom line with ds1 is that he gets too excited by these things and it leads to such intense emotions that can so quickly change.
Sorry, no advice really, just empathy.