Should I attempt to improve my dd's behaviour by helping her change friends ?

[scatterbrain]

Just wondered what you all thought about this ?

The background - dd is at a very nice school and this is her third year there (she's 6 and in Y1). She made a few friends when she started in nursery - and I feel to some extent that because I got on with their mums and we have met socially on lots of occasions - that their little group has been pushed together a bit too much.

Unfortunately I don't think that my dd actually gets on that well with them anymore. She complains about each of the three other girls, and I don't like some elements of their behaviour that I see coming out in my dd. For example - one of them is extremely rude and argumentative, another is very babyish and whiney and the other is overly boisterous. When dd doesn't see them so much her behaviour seems considerably better - and she seems more content.

Today she has been to a birthday party of a girl she doesn't know as well - but clearly gets on extremely well with. Two of her usual group were there - but she didn't spend any time with them.

Her teacher also suggested that I should try and encourage some other friendships - and suggested a few others to invite for tea.

For some reason I wonder whether I should though - it feels a bit like social engineering - but then I think we have got to this stage because I got on with certain mums !

This is probably more my hang-up - I dodn't know the other mums and some of them don't seem terribly friendly !! I guess I am scared that they might reject us ?

I am waffling now though - what do you think ?

invite the other girls to tea - it's not social engineering. You are encouraging your dd to make other friends while still keeping the old. Nothing to lose and lots to gain!

You're right - I'm overanalysing as usual !!!

I do the same, and it's always more complicated when you are good friends with the other mothers. If you feel guilty, make arrangements to see the original gang while fixing playdates with the new friends - makes for a busy life but then you are covering all corners.

Yes - I will do that !! I hate playdates really - but I really am not hapy at the influence these three are having ! I do feel I need to help her develop some other nicer friends !

They are only 6 and already the bitching and competition has started !!! My dd is so gentle and kind - and I hate to hear these girls being so mean to her ! Even in front of me today in the car going to the party - her one friend was being horrible to her ! So rude and snapy - and basically was telling her all about a tea party she'd gone to at another girl's house - and how my dd wasn't invited because that girl didn't like her !

Right - decided - will get my act together and make some calls tomorrow !

Thanks for answering !!

Hope it works out.

Another thing you can try is encouraging your dd's friendships with children who do not go to her school. She's getting to the age when she will start more extra currucular activites and will come into contact with more children that way.

I think it's always nice for children to have friends away from the school for a bit of outside perspective.

Hi again, funny you should say that - but dd's best friend in the whole world is a friend she met at day nursery - aged 2 ! She only sees her once a month or so - but they get on so well !!!

Today they have been to Fairy School together - (I won the Mumsnet prize but didn't even get my name up on the homepage )- and still get on so well - never a cross word, none of this playing each other off against other people !

It was lovely and interesting to see ! DD has literally been beaming all day !

Her other best friend is my friend's daughter - and she sees her very ocasionally ! She keeps saying she wants to move to where they live so they can go to school together !

So - you see - this is why I think it's not her - it's just that she currently doesn't have the right friends !

thanks for listening by the way !