don't know how to handle ds behaviour- advice please! (long)

[liljo2007]

My ds is four and has been going to pre-school for a year now, has always loved it and never had any problems. I had a baby 7 months ago, litle girl, and expected him to start playing up. He didn't, and adores dd, but recently i have noticed his behaviour has changed. He shouts constantly, won't listen, makes silly noises and is generally really disruptive- and when i try to tell him off he laughs in my face. Then i scream like a fish wife (which i knoew doesn't help) . This week he's been really naughty at pre-school, resulting in him being kept separated from the rest of the kids and both myself and my childminder being given a talking to by the head teacher...Theres a lot going on at the moment, and i know he's probably really confused nad kids can't always be angels, but he just refuses to co-operate with any one. i know i need to spend more time with him...maybe I just needed to get this off my chest- he's not a naughty boy by nature, and Dp just says I'm too soft with him...Sorry this was very rambling, but he is exhausting me and i feel crap for shouting at him ..

I always feel bad if i shout at my ds1, I think sometimes he jealous of ds2 and does sly things like pushing or scratching him. Its all about the attention though rather than wanting to be naughty.
Its hard, you just have to go through it. Dont feel bad though, it will pass eventually!

lil, i've heard on here before that some kids do start to get a bit more challenging in their behaviour later, when the new sibling is on the move or is basically a bit more demanding than a sleepy, immobile newborn who can't even reach out for a toy! Maybe that is part of it?

Have to say, not listening and making silly noises = being four! Ditto the laughing in your face, kids of four seem to have a great sense of their own dignity; hate being 'told off' and feel it as humiliating, so they defensively laugh to take the heat off themselves. My 4 yr old ds would certainly never sit still for a telling off, he wouldn't show remorse or be gratifyingly sorry; don't expect this, just say your piece and be done with it. You can't control how he responds, so don't try; it'll stop you getting so angry! If he's being silly in response, just walk away. You've said your piece, that's it.

Maybe taking the heat out of things at home will help at pre-school too. If he feels things at home aren't at screaming pitch, maybe he will have less frustration to take out at pre-school?

Hope so, anyway, good luck. Don't worry, he's just four, it's not that he's going to be like this forever!

At four boys have a huge surge of testosterone and this may be affecting his behaviour.
My ds went through a similar challenging period at this age.
As for silly noises-my ds is now seven and continues to make silly noise...children do!

Am not going to offer advice on four year olds as mine are now 10 and 7 and I've forgotten. I do know they each went through surprising phases which seemed out of character, caused lots of worry and upset, then calmed down again. It's horrible when someone like a headteacher has it in for you though. Agree with previous point about change in behaviour being common when sibling gets more demanding.
Getting mum to scream is quite a powerful reward for a child, even though that seems nonsensical, so above all try to stay calm around him and scream later!! Hang in there - it will pass and I'm sure you'll get some tips from parents of four year olds.

stop shoting
repeat yourself three times and hten tell him off calmy and firmyl holding him by the arm if he quirms( ds3 here)

then resume

liljo.............he is so ready for school, that is all, both mine the summer before going to school, got really cocky and disruptive. Bear with him, take cods advice and wait til school knocks him down a peg or two

Funny, just got back from my mums and she said the same thing.. and it's all about attention. We went shopping this aft, just the two of us, and he was pretty good. Dp and i get married 2 weeks today, and added to that after Easter my sister takes over his after school care, (and he adores her, so is very excited. i need to take a step back, and count to ten- he knows which buttons to press, and I do let him, but like the girl in the nursery rhyme, 'when (s)he is good he is very very good!' I really appreciate the advice, thanks!!