what is wrong with my son?

[nightowl]

yet again ive had another really rubbish school report on ds. it says on every subject that he's working to his full potential but making little or no progress. he did have a lot of time off as he had asthma (which hopefully is controlled now as he hasnt had a bad attack for about two years, touch wood) and he had tonsilitus nearly all the time until he had them removed earlier this year. he apparently has a motor skills problem and he sees an occupational therapist. he could talk from a very early age but didnt walk until he was 18 months old (which i thought probably tied in with the motor skills thing). i just dont understand why hes making no progress now. he's a very bright child (and im not just being biasd, it has been commented on by lots of people) so if he's this bright and tries his best (which i know he does) just what is the matter with him? he cant concentrate on anything for very long and gets frustrated, he has also got a very bad short term memory. hes a very sensitive and nervous child aswell. its heartbreaking watching him try so hard and get nowhere. the only thing that rings a bell it that when i was at school no matter how hard i tried to concentrate i just used to drift off and i still do it now...i sort of wake up 15 mins later and cant remember a thing thats been said...if i never grew out of it what hope has he got?

hi nightowl sorry you are so worried about DS. I only have a 3 month ds so very little experience/knowledge of behaviour and development so this is really comments off the top of my head, so if it seems like cobblers, it may well b be! How is DS's reading and writing and speech? Do they seem OK. Could he have some form of dyslexia? Also does he have the same problems concentrating as you, and is this at school or at home - just wondering that if this happens all the time if this could possibly be very mild epilepsy, resulting in small "absences"?

another thought is would you be able to sit in on one of ds's classes, to see what his difficulties are?

Is he dyspraxic? I believe that does affect learning - it's the order you do things in and how to structure your learning that dyspraxics find hard, I believe. This is not to do with intelligence, but just as he finds it hard to organise his arms and legs or fingers to accomplish a task, he may find it hard to break down an academic task so really can't get to grips with it. I'm sure this doesn't make any sense, but if I were you I would get a book on dyspraxia (Jimjams has recommended qute a few) and talk to the school and the OT about it. Also fish oil supplements can be good I think for both dyspraxia and concentration issues. Lots of threads on those on Mumsnet. I give my son strawberry flavoured ones from the website www.heathyandessential.com. They can't do any harm and may do some good.
BTW my son is a clumsy child and I do wonder about dyspraxia with him too.

A good book to read on Dyspraxia is "Developmental Dyspraxia" by Madeleine Portwook. I agree with aloha, I would definitely talk to the school and OT about it and be quite pushy about it. I think children with dsypraxia are often of above average intelligence and I think the short attention span can often be part of it. I'm sure someone will be able to post some more advice to help. Good luck

Check out a book called "A Mind at a Time" by Mel Levine. It talks about how different kids have different kinds of minds, and you can have trouble with things like attention, or ordering things, that makes it hard to learn in school, without being stupid. He also gives techniques for how to help children compensate for these difficulties and do well. Your son sounds exactly like the sort of kids he talks about; bright kids, trying hard, who have fixable difficulties nobody has pinpointed. And yes, it's very common (he says) for a kid to get a diagnosis and a parent to discover they have the same issue.

I also have a pretty short attention span! Luckily I'm a journalist where that can be a positive advantage

I also have a pretty short attention span! Luckily I'm a journalist where that can be a positive advantage

ive been having a look round some of the sites regarding dyspraxia and couldnt believe it. some of the symptoms are spot on. late walking and no crawling, sensitivity to loud noises (he would walk into a childrens party, put his hands over his ears and scream), dislike of certain clothes, (he had a collar and button phobia at one time!) can never sit still, cant catch a ball etc, spills food, knocks things over, cant ride a bike etc etc....the list was endless and so much like him. but he already sees an occupational therapist and she has never mentioned the possibilty of it being this? i dont understand why this hasnt been suggested or looked into?

I'm not sure Nightowl why it wasn't suggested. Maybe it's a good idea to make a long list of everything going right back to when he was a baby and going to see your GP or the school with it, explaining how concerned you are at the moment. I would have thought the OT should have asked you about all this, when DD was first seen by one I was asked loads of questions which covered all this stuff. Good luck

how long has he been seeing the OT for? and how old is he? I know with dyspraxia professional tend not to diagnose until alot later. My friends son was 4 but I know that is quite young for a diagnosis of dyspraxia. FWIW I think it sounds like dyspraxia too.

I should add that I did have to push quite a bit and had one horrible doctor pretty much laugh at me when I gave him my list (he has now left as there were rather a lot of complaints about him !) It was only when I got the the co-ordination clinic that I was taken seriously.

mmmm we had a horrible Dr too kittypickle, I do not miss him

nightowl, my DS1 had a dx of dyspraxia as an aside. He was referred to the hospital by the school & after several visits they couldn't tell me what was wrong. At one visit they mentioned in passing that "of course, he's dyspraxic", which was the first I'd heard of it. They assumed I knew & it wasn't the official dx, just one of the things wrong. He's 16.5 & we still don't know.

hes nearly 7 now and the more i read up on it, the more it seems like him. if i know for definate what is wrong then i can do something about it IYSWIM? our doctor is lovely so im going to mention it to her...she wont laugh at me i hope! in the meantime is there anything i can try? perhaps some other kind of therapies? a friend of mine has various certificates and things in complimentary therapies and studies nutrition and that kind of stuff...could anything help there maybe? shes coming to see me about my back soon so maybe it would be worth asking her. she did a study on him for her course a while back.

Are you giving him fish oils (omega-3s) - some people find they help a lot, and I don't think they can do any harm. A lot of people give EyeQ which you can buy in Tesco and Boots I think. I give my son Eskimo Oil which you can buy online from www.nutriworld.co.uk.

Also check out The Dyscovery Centre which is in Cardiff and has a good website (fms.antics.co.uk/dyscovery/uniform/centre.htm). It is run by Dr Amanda Kirby who specialises in dyspraxia. You have to pay but you could consider getting a referral there for assessment especially if you live anywhere near. It also has a lot of useful information and suggestions for things you could do. Amanda Kirby has written a good book called "Dyspraxia the hidden handicap" with a lot of practical suggestions. I got a copy from the library.

Mine won't take fish oil in any form (because of the texture).

He has been having regular cranial osteopathy for the last 9 years & that has done him more good than anything else.

Nightowl, why not start by ordering a book from amazon - one of the ones recommended on this thread. They have suggestions in them of various ways of helping your child. Re fish oils, my son gets them in milk (they are strawberry flavoured, and Jimjams puts them on toast, under the jam!

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Perhaps he is just not very acedemic or perhaps he is just a bit immature accademically ? He is so young. I am sure lots of 7 year-olds find it difficult to concentrate?

im sure theres more to it than that fairymum, everyone knows their own child and he just isnt like other little boys his age.

Hi nightowl, just to add my 2p worth I think it sounds like dyspraxia too. My dd is also 7 and was diagnosed about 2 years ago. Her fine motor skills improved a lot with OT and her gross motor is getting better after some OT and physio.

There are different kinds - verbal, motor and global. Dd has motor (late to crawl & walk, never rolled, but an early talker and now good reader). But she also has the other aspects, like daydreaming, not concentrating, distracted by her own eyelashes, difficulty BEGINNING something, difficulty doing complex or new things without being specifically and repeatedly SHOWN how (not just verbal explanations!), trouble making friends, and gets tired and frustrated easily, and doesn't handle disappointment or anger it well. (Dh and I are horrified at the thought of dd learning to drive one day!)

Here are some tips for you and your ds's teacher, from the Australian dyspraxia support group - I'll try to put in a link here
Anything's worth a try, to ease both your frustration and your ds'!

-praise for EFFORT - not product
-emphasise what he CAN do - not what he can't do
-work from simple to complex
-make implicit rules explicit - don't assume he knows what is expected
-make the goal of the activity clear
-ask questions - what do you need to do now? - rather than telling him what to do
-model correct skill performance so he can imitate, do things together and use turn taking
-provide an accepting environment which supports risk taking (my dd is a very poor risk taker)
-choose skills that he wants to do
-have frequent and good communication with ds' teacher.
-keep to set routines
-be sympathetic but firm
-provide LOTS of time

And you may be right in thinking you have dyspraxia yourself...I know I had a lot of the same issues as dd at school, especially socially and sporting-wise. Basically you don't grow out of it (although skills can be improved), you just learn tactics to cope with it, and ways to learn that work for you. I wish you lots of luck, I know patience can be hard to find, but there is lots of support out there. Make sure you get some!