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Original poster

Why does ds always ask dreadfully long / involved / fearsome questions at BEDTIME <aaargh>

58 replies

FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2007 20:57

and "I will tell you tomorrow" just NOT going to work....

Tonight I had to explain the mystery of childbirth after he had been reading a book about birds hatching

"How does a baby person get to be born, Mummy? Does it peck a hole in your tummy?"

"No..."

"Well how DOES it come out?"

"HOW??? HOW does it do that? How does it stretch? Does it come out sideways Mummy, how how how how how.....?"

Cue demonstration with a plastic baby and the sleeve of my t-shirt. Boy oh boy I have never needed a knitted uterus before now but I did tonight...

Oh yes I had a question, as well - I have a fab book with full on pictures of foetus in utero etc plus very graphic birth pictures - quite powerful ones - would you show these to a nearly 4 year old who was interested, or if not, at what age would you think it was a good idea?

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rowan1971 · 15/03/2007 21:42

Oh yeah. Falling out. I remember that bit...

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 15/03/2007 21:43

mind you, after the previous stretching, I am not quite sure that another one wouldn't fall out, next time

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MrsApron · 15/03/2007 22:45

dd2 8 min second stage. pretty much fell out.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 08:26

MrsApron, are you sure???

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lurkylou · 16/03/2007 08:34

Quote of the week

'Boy oh boy I have never needed a knitted uterus before now but I did tonight...'?????????

Twiglett · 16/03/2007 08:43

he's doing it to delay bedtime .. and as you don't say 'we'll talk tomorrow' or 'I'll just write that down and we'll talk about it over breakfast' then he's winning isn't he

as for book .. YES to in utero pictures .. and a huge NO to pictures of birth

really franny .. it can't be appropriate in anybody's head to show a 4 year old static birth pictures .. him being present at the birth of your next child would be totally different

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 08:45

"winning"? What?

"it can't be appropriate in anybody's head to show a 4 year old static birth pictures "

well I just did it, this morning

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Twiglett · 16/03/2007 08:47

then I'm appalled .. sorry

harpsichordcarrier · 16/03/2007 08:49

franny, I have many pieces of helpful equipment around here
If dd1 asks, I show her. I do not keep my teaching aids behind a tasteful curtain.

Twiglett · 16/03/2007 09:24

although that said I think maybe the graphic images I am imagining are totally different from the graphic images you showed

another way internet discussions let you down

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 09:43

I feel sad that you are appalled

it was a lovely thing for both of us, actually - I felt quite emotional and ds was so interested

he asked to look at the book twice (starts with foetus as a bunch of cells, shows development all the way to birth) and then we had to pretend that he was being born and then that he was the mummy giving birth

For ds I don't personally think it would be appropriate for him to see me giving birth, although I know many people have had wonderful experiences with their children being present at a birth. For ds I think it would be too powerful and potentially upsetting - he is so prtective if he feels I am in any kind of distress. For him, static pictures with time to take it in and have me explain what is going on, was an appropriate thing at this time.

I am not really sure what you are appalled about

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Twiglett · 16/03/2007 09:58

because childhood to me entails some kind of protection from some of the more gruesome aspects of childbirth IMO and indeed of life

but its my opinion

I wouldn't want my children to be shown graphic images of childbirth .. much as I wouldn't want them to see the graphic images that help them understand what is meant in the haunting lyrics of Billy Holiday's "Strange Fruit" until they are much older ..

different strokes and all that

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 09:59

I think there is a world of difference between pictures of violent death and pictures of birth

I can't really understand comparing the two

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Tatties · 16/03/2007 09:59

When I was a child it was whilst lying in bed at night that I pondered on long, involved questions. Naturally when my dad came up to tuck me in I would ask him to talk to me about the universe or whatever I was thinking about. It wasn't to delay going to sleep, but it was somehow comforting to put some of the 'bigger' issues to rest in my mind just before bedtime.

Twiglett · 16/03/2007 10:03

birth may be 'natural' but it is also gruesome and painful and the images can be scary to a grown-up let alone a child

.. it is an adult experience and there is no great need to involve a child in it before they are ready ..

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 10:05

Yes I think that too Tatties

it is the one time of day when we are not going anywhere, or doing anything else, and he has peace and quiet and my undivided attention

The in the title was more for comedy effect really than any sort of real trauma

I think it is the perfect time in his mind to discuss these big issues, but a bit of a challenge for me when I am thinking "when can I get downstairs to MN and my cup of tea?"

I don't think bedtime is a battle that I have to "win".

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harpsichordcarrier · 16/03/2007 10:06

pictures of birth are beautiful, imo
maybe not a big close up technicolour photo but pictures, fine imo

Twiglett · 16/03/2007 10:07

as I said before it depends on what the 'graphic images' were ..

I think bedtime means bedtime .. wind down to bedtime means chatting and discussing .. but bedtime means GO TO SLEEP (but then you don't have a child who will happily stay up till 10.30)

harpsichordcarrier · 16/03/2007 10:08

I don't think graphic images (by which I mean line drawings) of birth are scary necessarily.
and birth isn't necessarily gruesome. and you can't see the pain in pictures anyway.
If a child asks, and you have suitable pictures available, then I think it is much worse to hide it away.
imo

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 10:09

Well, he didn't seem scared

he looked at the woman's face in one picture and says "is it hurting her?" I explained it was a huge overwhelming feeling and that you might pull all sorts of faces. He looked at the next picture and said "Now she is so happy and excited!" We both very much enjoyed looking at them together and I am glad we did it.

I wouldn't have thought to show him this book if he had not been asking quite detailed questions about it, thus in my mind, showing he was ready to be involved in it. I wouldn't go into subjects such as violent death or injury in a similar way, with photos, because I think those subjects are disturbing and upsetting for anyone, not just for children. I don't find birth upsetting or disturbing, personally.

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 10:09

These are photos and they are powerful but I disagree that they are scary. Ds also disagrees

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Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 10:12

"bedtime means GO TO SLEEP (but then you don't have a child who will happily stay up till 10.30)"

no not since we dropped the nap!

I always get into bed with him for a bit and now he doesn't breastfeed we have a cuddle and a chat. It is part of the wind down to bedtime in our case, but I agree at some point you have to say RIGHT, NOW IT'S SLEEPING TIME

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harpsichordcarrier · 16/03/2007 10:12

god, know I don't find birth disturbing either.
there isn't much choice about exposure to pictures of women giving birth in this house.
are all children of antenatal teachers hideously scarred do you think

Pruni · 16/03/2007 10:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 16/03/2007 10:13

Erm.....I'll get back to you on that one

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