Why does it go to pot at tea time - and am I handling it OK?

[MagicGenie]

DS is 2.2. Up until a couple of months ago, I could put any amount of any food in front of him and it would vanish. Now, anything I dish up for tea is met with, 'don't like it'/'Mummy take it away'.

He usually has cereal with banana and milk for breakfast; lunch is a sandwich/beans on toast/houmous with dippy things followed by fruit; for tea I do 'proper' food i.e. meat and veg, pasta with sauce, whatever; it's this that he won't touch, despite making positive noises when it's put in front of him.

On the occasions I do something quick and easy (jacket potato, beans, tinned spaghetti, fish fingers, whatever) he'll lap it up!! He would also happily eat 4-5 pieces of fruit in a row (I know, I'm lucky!) but don't really want to give him the message that he can refuse everything else as long as he eats fruit.

Snack-wise, he'll have a biscuit/fruit in the mornings if we're at playgroup/at someone's house, otherwise that's it. He has treats (chocolate, sweets, crisps, whatever) a couple of times a week.

I'm not worried about this from a nutritional point of view cos I know he eats well at other times and he's growing fine etc etc.

What I'm thinking is;

a. it's is partly a control thing...he's suddenly clicked that he doesn't actually have to eat everything on trust and can say no if he wants. My strategy so far has been to take his plate away, perhaps offer one piece of fruit but say there's nothing else and not make a big fuss. (He's absolutely not the type who can be cajoled or compromised with (i.e. 'have a piece of potato and you can have more sausage') - just doesn't work - so that's not really an option.)

b. he understands the social side of eating and thinks 'why should I be sat here eating when Mummy isn't?' (I eat with DH when he gets home.)

c. he's not actually hungry enough to eat and after waking from his nap, hasn't had time to work up enough of an appetite. He certainly front-loads his food (i.e. big breakfast, decent lunch, tiny - if any- tea.)

So, do I continue keeping my reaction low key, maybe swap his lunch and tea and make sure I join him at tea time.....?

Any other advise? TIA.

dish it up and dish yourself some up too. nobody likes to eat alone.

MG -- I think (a) pretty much sums it up for me. Both my DC went / are going through this phase big time. DD now out of it, but I'm living it with you with DS.

I think it does help if you eat with them, you could always try it out for a few days to see if it makes a difference. Or on the weekend all eat together.

Everyone has different times when they are hungry, its no different for little people! Luckily both my DC seem to have the same type of appetite. So they have a large breakfast (2-3 bowls of cereal), small lunch (especially DS) and the a larger dinner.

I think you are doing the right thing keeping it low key. You could also (depending on his communication skills) give him a choice between 2 things to have for dinner.

You don't mention what time you feed him. I also found that my DC wanted to eat later at around this age. Currently we all eat at 6:30 (lucky DH gets home from work at 6:15).

I would sit down and eat something with him, just a small portion will do. You can see his point about why eat when Mummy isn't...

I wouldn't do the cajoling and compromising thing - we have all done it but tbh it's a load of shite, isn't it? What is the point, really?

What is your main worry? That he is going to bed hungry? That he is not getting enough nutrients? Or simply that he OUGHT to be having a proper meal at this time of day and that you are somehow being a slack parent and he a naughty child because this is not quite happening?

I would try swopping the lunch and dinner menu and see what happens, maybe. Other than that I would not worry - a sandwich and some veg to nibble is nutritionally the same as pasta and sauce. Keep trying to extend his repertoire but don't worry about it if he doesn't want to eat - and it is ok to be letting him make choices at this age I think, as long as the choices are all healthy and nutritious.

Why not serve his up, maybe a little earlier (tiredness really puts mine off eating) with him sitting in the kitchen watching you prepare daddy's dinner, maybe nibbling some carrot sticks or something?! Or drinking gin... Make it a bit more interesting and sociable and not just focused on THE FOOD?

Great points all - thanks.

F&Z - s'pose my main worry is how 'out of the blue' it's come, and yeah...that he ought to be having something.

I'm really pretty good at giving him autonomy over things that are important to him ('pat self on back' emoticon!) and always swore I'd never make food a battle ground but feeling a bit demoralised today....tonight there was a chink in my 'playing it cool' exterior, plus he's been ill for weeks with one after the other which is driving me mad.

Oh food is always guaranteed to press all the buttons. Big pat on the back to you, for sure. It is the wrong time of day for things to be getting stressy - everyone is tired and hungry, or at a low ebb - break the cycle, give him a sandwich at tea time instead, or let him eat tea on a picnic blanket on the floor, or something.

My god, i thought i was reading a post i'd yet to post. My DD is exactly the same age and we are having exactly the same problem except she's waking up from her nap starving so i'm letting her have a snack which compromises her tea-time appetite. This is after a pretty big lunch so not sure what's going on there.

BUT, I think it is more a developmental stage/control thing as we were eating together this evening (DH's out) and she 'helped' me prepare it, started enthusiastically and then stopped after about 1/3 of it. "Don't like it any more!"

Sigh... Food, glorious bloody food.

God I hate tea time. We all eat together at 5.30ish (lucky lucky husband gets home then, though I think he wishes he didnt). We're all tired. Kids don't want to sit down and eat (3 and 2)DH and DS always complain about the food, DD just wants me to feed her and chucks everything off her plate. I'm used to it now and try to get through it calmly and quickly. After tea everyone is happier and the rest of the evening goes smoothly (until bedtime!)

why not swap lunch/tea time round? Give the 'proper' food for lunch and then the sandwich etc type meal for tea.At least that way they last meal before bed is a good meal iukwim rather than going to bed on an empty stomack.Also he's probably more likely to eat the proper food at lunchtime when he's in a better frame of mind

I always find its easier to have lunch as the 'proper'meal as I eat this with DS. Atleast if I am sharing the meal there is some point to me saying "this is what we are eating, take it or leave it". I feel that if I was eating alone (which DS does at tea time during the week), I would eat what I wanted, so why shouldn't he.

I do sit down with him and have a cup of tea at tea time - he's not actually alone, alone...