Feel like divorcing my 5 year old son

[CouldDoWithSomeSun]

It's horrible, this feeling that your son doesn't like you and you're not sure about him. Even writing it makes me cry, as I just feel like a complete failure. He has siblings, some mine, some my husband's, and we had lots of miscarriages between him and his 2 year old brother. Just now he bullies, intimidates and is mean to his brother. He tells me he hates me, and in truth I don't know how much love I have for him right now. I want to stop feeling like this, I want to find some of that love again but don't know where to start. Of course there are loads of other things going on, but I'd bore you to tears with it. I don't feel I can share this with anyone who knows me, I'm too shocked that I feel this way.

It sounds like things are very confusing at the moment. Do you think your son is feeling some of this confusion?

It sounds like your son has hada massive amount of change in his life including 2 dads and multiple siblings in just 5 years, no wonder he's struggling.
Can you ask at school whether they gave a nurture group or similar?
Poor little chap.

Give yourself a massive pat on the back. You have clearly given your son a healthy secure environment. If he can vocalise whatever he feels at the time and know that you still love him. He feels secure enough to let you know. It would be more worrying if he didn't feel secure enough to do that.

That's a mark of a good parent.

The fact that you feel so upset admitting those feelings shows you care OP. It sounds as if there has been lots of change in the last few years which might have unsettled you both. Are you able to spend time with your son 1 on 1? He may be feeling a bit lost.

Sorry, should have explained clearer that he has half siblings from both mine and DH's previous relationships, but we are his and his younger brother's parents together.

I think the loss of so many early pregnancies affected me and I've always worried that I became more remote during this really important time between 10 months and 2 1/2.

I'd like to spend some time just with him, I try and give him some 1 to 1 time after school pick up, but too often I get distracted and need to work, and he's tired and quite often grumpy.

Thanks, it helps just to talk it through.