3 year-old's rage is killing me

[Loops81]

I'm at my wit's bed with my 3 y/o. In the past few weeks she has started having absolute screaming fits of rage over the most basic of things, like hand-washing, tooth-brushing, dressing, getting into the car and out. She is having several of these meltdowns a day and it is making me really depressed. We do our best to remain calm, explain things to her, remove her from situations till she has calmed down etc, but it has got to the point that simple daily tasks take three times as long as they need to because if some tiny thing gets done in the wrong order, or I accidentally "help" her to do something she wanted to do herself, she completely falls apart. I'm pregnant and absolutely exhausted with it. In between the meltdowns she is sweet, funny, brilliant company, but I'm walking on eggshells around her lately. Any coping tactics/reassurance that this is (another bloody) phase?

Could be a phase. Could you allocate much longer to the tasks so that you are not trying to rush, easier said than done I know.

I'm exactly the same op (apart from being pregnant), and I'm finding it so hard to cope with. I'm sitting here in floods of tears as I write this, whilst my dd is asleep in her room. It's just making me feel so depressed and upset.

I'm a sahm and a student, and my dh works long hours & I have no friends or family living nearby who can give me a 15 minute breather, or look after my dd for a couple of hours whilst I study etc. I've told my dh until I'm blue in the face, that we need to move nearer to my parents, as it'd be so beneficial for me and the family, it'd be so much cheaper too & we'd get a bigger property. His commute time would be the same, but he just will not agree with me & move. He hates the area where my family live, and the areas directly around it. He keeps pestering me for another baby though, & we've argued about it so much, as I keep saying I'm not ready yet. I tried to give him an ultimatum that I'd only have another baby when we move nearer to my family, but that really didn't go well.

It doesn't help that my family keep 'selling' their area to me, and can't understand what is wrong with my husband for not moving there - I sure don't understand either.

I'm sorry I've not been able to help & that I've deviated, but I'm just feeling so upset.

I'm sure it's just another phase with our toddlers, but it's bloody exhausting! I'm watching with interest for advice.

Is she aware of your pregnancy and that there will be a baby? Big changes are hard for toddlers and they are hyper aware but but don't know how to express their feelings about it.

I am in the exact same position. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and my 3 yr old dd has turned into a devil child. She is so aggressive when she has a tantrum and I just can't do anything to bring her down and they are usually about the smallest things. My dh works unsociable hours and I now have a whole weekend of just me and her and I am dreading it. I'm exhausted and stressed because of it. I rang the health visitor yesterday for advice and she has said we need to allocate some 'special time' a day only 15 mins of one to one with no distractions to give her the attention before she craves it. I'm not the most patient and not is dh so I'm trying to change the way I talk to her too.

It is absolutely horrid and I hate the thoughts in having as in my wanting her around me, hate her company and just waiting for next tantrum but everyone's says to ride it out.
Also health visitor has mentioned about not telling her that I and she can't do something because of baby as she may find that she has to compete for attention even before baby is here. I have a home visit in 2 weeks to see how we are getting on.
Might be worth ringing health visitor just for advice and someone try talk to

Mine are 3 and 2, we tend to go with a choice of two things, choose or I will. I.e. Share or give toys/book to the other child or I take them away, mum or dad can brush your teeth stood up like a big boy or i wilk do it with you laid down like a baby, get in the car from the left or the right or I'll put you on etc etc.
After a while they seem.to have got the idea and pick an option for themselves most times.