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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

please help me get my children to be quiet in the morning

50 replies

mailfuckoff · 07/05/2017 09:04

We love in a semi detached house. My children are so noisy we moved to this house from a terrace so they could have a room each. Every morning they wake up, go into one room and play loudly. Every day for years I am woken at 6am . My neighbour is woken and I'm so embarrassed about that. Threats (which I follow through) don't work. Keeping them up late doesn't work. Talking to them doesn't work. They are nearly 8, what more can I do? Expectation is they read or play quietly in their rooms until 7:30, with going to the toilet allowed.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

IfNotDuffers · 07/05/2017 20:09

Can they tell the time? As in, do they know it's not getting up time?

If so, then I would punish the one who comes out of their room first by making them sit in a corner of your room in silence for eight minutes. Any wandering off / shouting / noise gets the clock re-started. Praise the one who didn't come out of their room lots, and emphasise how they get to play with (quiet) toys by themselves, rather than being stuck bored in a corner of your room.

I think this will be a two person job to start with, but if you give it a week of being utterly, boringly consistent I suspect they'll get the message that quiet means toys, loud means boring time-out.

GloriaV · 07/05/2017 20:27

Get rid of the tv? Would they be upset at that? Take them downstairs and give them breakfast then out for a long walk (on the pretext that they can't stay home as they wake the neighbour) every day until they decide they prefer to be quiet.
I would see it as a battle of wills which I would be determined to win

Empireoftheclouds · 07/05/2017 20:29

So sad to read how many people would punish a 7yo for the actual failing of their parents. All they need is supervision and structure!

Dairymilkmuncher · 14/05/2017 21:01

You're going to have to set your alarm and get up just before them maybe 5:50. It sucks but you can not let them wake your neighbours up! If they are getting up at that time regardless of what time you put them down at night, put them down as early as you can

My DS1 7yo can get up on his own quietly, put the heating on, switch the kettle on ready for me coming downstairs, get himself a drink/breakfast, get dressed all on his own without prompting so it can be taught to them at a young age and he loves the structure. Maybe if yours can read you could put up a little to do list of things that will keep them busy for when they are older and can be trusted to be up on their own but for now you'll need to get up and do those things with them

DebratsEtiquette · 14/05/2017 21:23

I just want to say I feel really sorry for you. I have unruly twins who are best of friends and worst enemies at the same time. Similar age, similar lack of self control - although thankfully they are not noisy at 6am, just from about 7.30 (they do get up early but they are quiet - pehaps because my DH is also an early riser so they get up together). I don't have answers for you I'm afraid, taking things away/banning screens generally has little effect on my two, but i still do it. I just think you're getting a bit of a hard time here and I know you're having a hard time in RL. (Also I'm hoping to find tips here!). Wondering too if this is a twin behaviour thing that other parents of multiples can offer advice on.

Crumbs1 · 14/05/2017 21:37

Eight year olds should be told to,stay in their room until the alarm goes off at 7.00 at least but probably 7.30. No excuses, no going in others rooms, no loud activity. Give them books and set it as reading time with a reward system for completing comprehension activities related to the book.Allow drawing too.
Impose serious sanctions if they come out of rooms. One loo visit each only allowed. Put a money box in loo that they drop their token into if the go. Don't give in and do supervised play - it makes it acceptable. Perfectly capable of considering others at 8.

RandomMess · 14/05/2017 21:40

I would have them go downstairs and eat breakfast... and then they have to play quietly down there.

My friend used to decant milk into a small jug for cereal.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 14/05/2017 21:50

Do they tend to be a bit selfish and self absorbed generally? Or do they have SEN which makes them more impulsive and not register basic instructions?

corythatwas · 15/05/2017 09:34

You have tried disciplining them out of this through sanctions and it isn't working. My ds was a bit like this at 8, a kindly boy but very noisy and got noisier through sanctions. He is a very considerate teen and not at all out of control, so I don't think it's necessarily the sign of something bad. But it is something that needs dealing with, for the sake of the neighbours.

I think the next alternative has got to be distraction. Get up with them in the morning and give them a job to do. Let them sort out breakfast. Perhaps even let them plan breakfast and cook something a bit fancy. Let them do something that stretches them a bit and makes them feel useful. Then maybe read together or do a board game or something else quiet. Yes, it's going to be tiring but almost certainly less tiring than shouting at them.

LTBiscuit · 15/05/2017 09:38

Reward chart for being quiet in their own rooms in the morning?

Empireoftheclouds · 15/05/2017 09:54

Do they tend to be a bit selfish and self absorbed generally?

They are fucking SEVEN!!

If anyone is being selfish and self absorbed it's the OP for failing to get out of her bed and offer up some supervision ffs.

ArseyTussle · 15/05/2017 10:25

Are they waking your neighbour through their bedroom wall? Could they not go downstairs on waking and make themselves breakfast and put the telly on? (unless any SN of course).

Why are they staying upstairs and playing the guitar/football?

Kennethnoisewater · 15/05/2017 10:45

Why are you tiptoeing around these children like you're afraid of them?! They are YOUR children! It sounds like yo have no structure, control or discipline and as a result your poor neighbours are bearing the brunt of it, which is selfish and unfair in your part.
So they think playing football or the guitar at 6am is ok? Take them away the night before then!!
Get up ten minutes before they do, when they wake up you can quickly take them downstairs so they don't wake your neighbour, this is YOUR problem, you need to deal with it, staying in bed whilst they rampage around just isn't going to cut it.

yikesanotherbooboo · 15/05/2017 13:55

I like the going for a walk idea... especially as it is light at the moment... I would get up and supervise

Rumtopf · 15/05/2017 17:15

They're 8? No SEN that makes them unable to understand and follow simple instructions such as "be quiet" in the morning?

Every time they ignore your instructions or shout at you I think a few unpopular chores are in order. Really dull - wiping down the kitchen cupboards, pairing the odd socks, weeding the patio. Oh and also, each and every time, going round to apologise to the neighbours face to face. Sincerely. Prime your neighbour to be particularly disapproving (if they're not already utterly fed up!). Obviously their screen time etc is taken away I would hope?

Empireoftheclouds · 15/05/2017 17:38

They are 7. Unless they turned 8 since the OP started this thread.

Empireoftheclouds · 15/05/2017 17:40

This thread is doing my head in. Why would anyone punish a child for being a child?

The responsibility for waking the neighbours up lies firmly with the OP. All she has to do is realise that it's her job to get out of bed in the morning.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 15/05/2017 19:08

I must have very considerate 5 and 7 year olds. They can actually consider other people's needs a little

Squishedstrawberry4 · 15/05/2017 19:09

Empire it would be different if these children were toddlers with little impulse control but they're not.

joannegrady90 · 15/05/2017 19:12

I think you may have to be stricter op.

Put them on the naughty step or chair if they're too noisy, and they'll soon get bored of sat doing nothing on a morning

Empireoftheclouds · 15/05/2017 19:33

Empire it would be different if these children were toddlers with little impulse control but they're not. why would it be? These kids are clearly struggling without supervision. That falls within the normal range (with some being done alone and others being unruly) of a 7 year old.

Empireoftheclouds · 15/05/2017 19:34

Put them on the naughty step or chair if they're too noisy, How can they be put on the naughty step when the OP is not there

Empireoftheclouds · 15/05/2017 19:35

Please please OP don't be strict with them and punish them. Just get up with them. Have a cup of tea. Read a book. You will find your presence is enough to keep them from playing football.

Kiwiinkits · 05/06/2017 05:40

Sorry but I agree with Empire. In Summer, 6am is morning. If they have been waking at that time for years, then that's when their bodies tell them to wake. At 7 years old they can go downstairs, get their own cereal, turn on the tv or read a book. But they WILL want you around in the mornings. (Perhaps the early morning bedroom noise is actually about getting your attention?). You, OP, need to get up some time around the time they wake. Be present for them. Parenting is not lying in bed in the morning; it's getting up and doing your job.

MumOfTwoBoyssss · 09/05/2020 11:24

I know this post a couple years old but I fully agree that op should actually be up BEFORE the children are awake and I also agree that the noise they make is to get you out of your bed, I have a 6 year old, he know to be quiet in the mornings, he doesn't even get out of bed untill 8am, I'm always up with my nearly 2 year old but I also get up before even he's awake, both my children have routine and structure, with out it they think they can do what ever they please and neighbors already complain about my kids daytime noise that I supervise, I never leave their side and will always shh them if they get too loud but never punish. Up to you op pretty sure you must have dealt with the issue by now it's been 3 years lol.

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