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3 year old niece hates me

7 replies

JadeGreen17 · 07/05/2017 05:31

So i'm not a parent, although I've had a lot of experience with kids. I'm 18, & when I was 10 my first niece was born. Since then, I've had three more nieces born from my two sisters and my three older nieces have always been absolutely fine with me, loved me, loved to play games with me, never scared of me or hated me, it's just my youngest niece (lets call her E) that seems to absolutely hate me! I don't know why and its so upsetting. She has separation anxiety with her mum, she's extremely clingy to her, to the point my sister had to go get help as she wouldn't leave her alone ever. If my sister ever gave anyone else attention, E would scream the house down. My sister (who is a hairdresser) was giving me a haircut in her kitchen and E was clinging to her leg begging to be picked up. If my sister was getting ready to go out, E would go up to her and smudge her makeup because she knew she'd have to stay longer to redo it. (Sorry for the long post by the way, i'm trying to make it as short as i can, just trying to give a bit of backstory here.)

Anyway, she used to hate pretty much everyone because of her attachment to her mum, but as she got older she started to like everyone, and me the more time we spent together, but also hates me at the same time. I have aspergers and people call me weird and say i act weird so I thought perhaps thats why she doesn't like me much? Whenever they come round mine she's absolutely fine. But if i'm ever babysitting, whether in the day or at night, she goes crazy. She can be very naughty sometimes but I never really tell her off because I've always thought, she's not my child so i have no right to discipline her. There was one day where I babysat during the day for about 8 hours, and she was fine all day, having fun playing in the garden. i was in the garden weeding while she was playing in the sandpit with her six year old sister (call her L) and suddenly she started crying, literally screaming. I had no idea what had happened, and I tried to ask her what was wrong and she would just run away so I asked her sister to try cheer her up. After about 5 minutes of this nonstop, I went inside and she hid behind the sofa and kept peeking around the side at me while crying, if i looked she cried harder so i tried to take no notice, the crying got so loud I tried to speak to her, she couldn't hear me over her voice so I spoke louder saying 'do you want me to call mummy to come home?' and I wasn't saying it in a threatening way, I was saying it to try make her feel better, but she thought I was yelling at her and ever since she's been funny with me and I hate it. She told my sister she hates me. First time I saw her after that incident, she hid from me, so I explained to her that I wasn't shouting at her or angry, that I loved her and I was sorry. She was fine after that and would play normally. But last night I went to babysit, and she was okay when she first saw me, ran up to me and hugged me, but when she realised my sister was leaving, she ran in her mums bedroom and screamed again. It was so embarrassing because my sisters boyfriend is new and doesn't know me well and must think i was horrible to them or something. I ignored it as usual, thinking it would end eventually. it didn't. I could hear she had gone downstairs and was literally banging on the front door crying. I got L to go down and tell her i'd call their mum to come home only if E came up and got ready for bed as this usually worked. It did, she came up and I acted silly and she started laughing. I read them books and she was braiding my hair, laughing, smiling, everything was great. But when I left their room and said night night, the crying started again. I told her mummy would be home soon and she stopped and went to sleep. I can't get over the fact she said she hates me, it makes me so upset because i never wanted her to think i'm mean, and L keeps bringing it up because she thinks its funny she said it. it's so embarrassing because my sisters boyfriend must think i'm some sort of horrible auntie even though L treats me like her older sister, its just E that acts funny with me sometimes. How can i make her like me more? I feel so sad thinking about it.

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isthistoonosy · 07/05/2017 05:42

You sound like a wonderful aunt and sister, just carryon as you are. Kids say things esp when they are angry and esp to the people they trust the most so its kind of a good thing as it means she feels safe and secure that she cant push you away.
Id get L s mum to tell her this upsets you and she is to stop saying it. In a few weeks E will have forgotten about it.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 07/05/2017 05:43

She's 3. She's just acting like a 3 year old. It's not you and I'm sure she puts on a show for other babysitters too. I think she happened to make that comment about you but she probably would say it about other people when she's in a mood too.

Seriously though, she's not ready to be babysat. If she's screaming and banging on the door and only her mother and sister can calm her down then her mother needs to take care of her. She's telling her mother loud and clear that she needs her so her mother should be there for her until she's ready to be more independent. My guess would be that's when she's not three. If the mum needs to work then so be it be socialising can go on hold for a few months while the reassures her child.

Threenagers need a lot of love and support. It's a hard age. I don't think you're the problem at all and there is no reasoning with a kid that age who wants their mum.

1AngelicFruitCake · 07/05/2017 05:52

You sound amazing! I'd talk to your sister about your other niece laughing about it as she's old enough to understand that can hurt your feelings. Carry on as you are with the 3 year old, they say things they don't mean. Your niece sounds like she's just desperate to get her mums attention more than she hates you.

JadeGreen17 · 07/05/2017 21:40

thank you for your kind replies! it made me feel a lot better, just needed to talk about it i think. I probably take things to heart too much!

thank you again xx

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AuntMarch · 09/05/2017 07:16

Not much to add here, people have already said it!
But if it makes you feel better I've been told by several 3-4 year olds they don't like me. When they come back later for cuddles and a story it reaffirms that they are just trying to express emotion (anger or upset) in the best way their still developing brains can process. It's ALWAYS when they are not able to do something they want to do, but those boundaries being in place and consistent help them in the long term know where they stand with you, which in turn allows them to trust you.

Keep doing what you are doing, you sound great.

Playitagainsam · 09/05/2017 09:24

My 4yo DD told me she hated me when she was in a rage recently. Of course it's hard not to take it personally, but I knew that she didn't mean it. She loves me, she just hated that I was disciplining her. Your niece probably has no idea what hate means, it's just a word she blurted out. The one thing I have learnt is never, ever take to heart something that a small child in a tantrum says! You're doing great, and as a PP says your niece probably just needs her mum at the moment.

UnbornMortificado · 09/05/2017 09:28

She's 3 they can be little sods at that age.

I once stopped my older niece (2 now she was about 18 month at the time) from choking she didn't forgive me 6 months.

It's hard but you sounds like a lovely aunty and I really wouldn't take it personally.

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