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Siblings - Younger child hurting older child

2 replies

loveithateitmum · 05/05/2017 17:18

Does anyone have some advise please. The background is I have 5 yr old DD and 2.5 yr old DS. My DS is very physical and high energy and not completely verbal yet so there is some frustration. My DD is sweet and kind but can be bossy and annoys my son particularly when he is tired.

My DS scratches, hits and pulls my DD's hair. It can happen in a matter of seconds so I'm not always right there to intervene before he hurts her. Sometimes there is no provocation, other times there is. I have 2 days of one on one time with DS and regular weekly one on one time with my DD. My DD's teacher has called me in to talk about the marks that my DS has left on my DD and asked me to try and stop this. I understand why the teacher has spoken to me and the need for checking on all marks on children with the increase of safeguarding and child protection.

The thinking step/space doesn't work on DS yet as he won't stay put. I sometimes separate them by putting him in the garden. Discipling him results in him being violent with me. He hates saying sorry, especially to his sister, although I do make him however insincere it seems.
Dinnertime and bedtime are particularly difficult as I'm usually on my own (DH isn't back until after they are in bed) so trying to cook dinner and separate them at same time doesn't always work. I do try and distract them with separate activities but their attention span (particularly my DS) isn't very long.
I just wonder what other parents do in this situation. Please no judgement, just trying to be a more effective parent TIA

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
thethoughtfox · 05/05/2017 18:15

You can't expect him to control all his impulses because he can't. You, or your partner just has to supervise. Stop him, name the behaviour, tell him he can't do that because it hurts his sister and makes her sad. Then redirect his attention. Don't make him apologise then you can never trust his apologies in the future. Model apologising and he will eventually do it spontaneously. You could even set up present situations where you present to accidentally hurt your partner or dd hurts you and model good behaviour. They can say it hurt them and made them feel sad inside and the other person can say sorry, they won't do it again and offer a cuddle.

thethoughtfox · 05/05/2017 18:15

*pretend situations

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