Is this self harm?

[Dottie39]

My 8 year old used to bite the skin around her fingers but with lots of help she managed to stop around two years ago. It was a bad habit but we all have them!!
However if she is upset or worried she will start to chew, but controls it normally.
Six months ago she was upset, an argument with her brother. She literally chewed and stripped her fingers in half an hour. We had to keep them bandaged and clean until they healed. Luckily it was the school holidays.
Today she fell out with her best friend at school. She has come home with her fingers bleeding and raw. She cannot hold or grip anything and they are so sore. I have cleaned them, antiseptic cream and bandages. She says she cannot remember doing it, when she is upset it is a default thing. Is this just a bad habit out of control or is this self harm? How worried should I be?

Anyone?

My dd chews her fingers like this but she has anxiety. I don't believe it to be deliberate self harm but it is at the extreme end of a bad habit. I would work on teaching your dd coping strategies. Is she pretty anxious in general?

I'm not an expert but as it's triggered her feeling upset I think it's a sensible question to consider.
If she's feeling a sense of relief from doing it than I'd suspect strongly that it's self harm, in any case I think it's worth a visit to the GP, maybe she would benefit from some CBT, she could develop an infection one day.

Sorry should say "triggered by her feeling upset"

Thanks for replying.
Yes she is pretty highly strung I would say, she always wants to be perfect and praised. For example, if she doesn't get her spelling test 100% that would result in massive upset. If I notice a mistake in her homework it gets to the point I am.scared of telling her because it will result in crying, screwing up work, shouting....
But she is also very empathetic to others, has a strong loyalty and sense of justice, and can be the most charming and sweetest girl when things are going her way.

Yep that's sounding very familiar! Can you get need school involved in helping her out? Does she go to any nurture groups or anything?

her school.

I slightly worry about tarring her with a brush. I haven't visited the GP as if she is referred to the cmht, is it then permanently on her records? What would happen?

What's a nurture group?

Its definitely triggered by upset and anxiety.

As a child/teen I struggled with Trichotillomania. I still struggle, but it is controlled and noone knows. I am worried it is a genetic thing I have passed to her. Is this a possibility?

It sounds like an impulse control problem like Trichotillomania, and it is not considered the same as deliberate self harm. And yes could be a genetic element to this.

Dottie, it's important to get her help. A referral to CAMHS might not be needed. I would approach her school first and ask if they have noticed any anxious/perfectionist behaviour. Some schools have nurture groups which are just sort of support groups for children who are more sensitive or have behaviour issues as a way of teaching them how to cope better. I think anxiety can be a bit of nature and nurture. I am an anxious person and I think dd has inherited parts of personality traits but she's also probably picked up learned anxious behaviour from me over the years. But you can't blame yourself for it, it's really hard to completely hide your own issues and anyway, it's better to be open about it. If you have recognised something's not quite right, it's better to try and help her?

Hi Dottie it certainly seems to have some of the traits of self harm. In all honesty, I'm not sure if it has to be deliberate or otherwise to be classified as. Either way, it certainly seems to be a reaction to anxiety. Given her age, I'd hope that this could be a behaviour recognised, treated and listened to, and hopefully nipped in the bud before it has a chance to manifest into something bigger.

I'd encourage you to speak to your gp, no idea on the medical records front, though I don't think that sort of thing can be used against you in everyday life. If that really is a no go, are you in the position to find a private child therapist? I think it's important that your daughter sees someone so she can begin to unpack this. A chance to talk about her feelings and perhaps something CBT like could give her some better coping mechanisms.