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DS WITH PERSONALITY CHANGE SINCE STARTED PRESCHOOL - ANY ADVICE?

5 replies

snipersmum · 12/03/2007 19:53

DS1 started preschool in Jan and I am at a loss as to how to deal with him now. He has always been a normal robust little toddler, but loved being at home with me, was naughty sometimes and had tantrums, but quickly got over them. He loves his preschool and his teacher and can't wait to go every morning, but when he gets home and at the weekends I don't recognise him. When I ask him to come here, he often says 'come here yourself' and 'don't you DARE tell me off', he deliberately does things he knows are not allowed. he is much more inclined to push and hit his friends and brother than before, and time out and the usual discipline seems to be water off a ducks back. He humphs like a teenager and glares at me and is obsessed with pretending to kill people, baddies, guns, shooting (not from anything at home - we are still at the cbeebies only stage). I have been into chat to his teacher about it, and she is amazed, says he is an angel at school. So, has he run out of the ability to be good by the time he gets home? How do I handle him? We are going through a real upheaval at the moment - 3rd baby due in 3 weeks, daddy in the Army and has been away for 2 months, and due home in 2 weeks, and a house move in 6 weeks. A lot of his friends have just moved as well, and I am sure all this plays a part, but tbh, I thought I would have at least until reception before these problems started to loom on the horizon. I know I can't wrap him in cotton wool, so how do I play it? (sorry for such a long post - well done to anyone still reading!!!)

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
snipersmum · 12/03/2007 21:41

bumping!!! purleeeeeze!!!!

OP posts:
marymoocow · 12/03/2007 21:49

I know its an obvious one, but could he just be tired. My ds who is 3.5 also has a personality change when he gets home from nursery. I make sure he has a nap at least 3 times a week, and it does make a difference. He also has a bit of "chill out" time when he gets in. Think he needs to zone out of playing with friends.
Must say though never had it with other 2 dc, so will be interested to see what others have to say. Also he is going through a lot. I find i'm counting to ten (to myself i might add) rather alot more than i used to.

brimfull · 12/03/2007 21:54

My ds goes through phases of being a little shite and testing me .He feels safe testing me at home and his behaviour at school remains the same.
Your ds may be tired/unsettled or both.

glyn · 12/03/2007 22:05

This is actually a very common behaviour pattern.

Children who feel insecure at school often let rip at home where they feel safe.

Although it may seem the hardest thing to do, you need to praise your child and build up their confidence. They are looking for approval, but being kids the only way they can "ask" for that is by being naughty- it gets them attention.

Don't overreact to bad behaviour,as he will then associate being naughty with getting Mum's attention, but praise him for anything he does that's good- and keep telling him you love him.

If you want any 1:1 help, see my ad in the classifieds (can i say that?) I am new so not sure!

princesscc · 12/03/2007 22:12

He is probably just begining to realise that there are a whole lot of rules that he has to adhere to at pre-school and so he is pushing you at home to see what he can get away with there. He's only ever had you calling the shots and now he's got teachers as well, who are probably stricter than you when it comes to things like sitting still, being quiet, clearing up etc. I will calm down I'm sure, its only been a couple of months. Nip it in the bud, like glyn says, praise as much as you can and try to ignore bad behaviour. He'll soon realise that its much more fun to be nice to mummy.

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